The Mommy Calling

The next 27 minutes...

2012-03-07T15:32:00.003-06:00

Passion. Purpose. Promise. We can change the world. We can bring hope. We can inspire. We can make the invisible visible. For the next 27 minutes see how passion makes a difference. Passion does not stop when interest wanes, when things get hard. When the end is no longer in sight passion does not stop, passion gets stronger.

KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.

Here and here are ongoing dialogue about actually supporting this organization. My intent with this post is not to push them as a reputable charity, or to ask you to support them. I am simply sharing the passion that these people have for a cause so near to their hearts. And I truly believe that their passion will inspire others and that their passion will make a difference.

Somebody's Someone

2012-03-04T18:00:00.000-06:00

This month I am embarking on a journey of passion in order to fulfill my resolution for revolution. One area that this passion is going to hugely impact is human trafficking. There are more people in slavery today than there has ever been in any other point in History. I pray that hearing this will spark a little something in all of us. Human trafficking is not a particularly "new" concept for me. It's something that a few people I am close to are involved in, but it has never been something I have thought about. Ever. It seemed so far away. But God, in His infinite ways, has been stirring up this desire all around me, bringing the heart of His people closer to the heart of His own desires. And as I sat in a room with other moms drinking coffee, enjoying a little quiet time, and began hearing a little bit about human trafficking in my own city, God did His thing.

The day before, I had heard a few staggering statistics about my city. We are #2 in AIDS cases, #1 in Syphilis, #2 in Chlamydia, #5 in Gonorrhea, we have a higher murder rate than Washington DC, New York, and Los Angeles. These statistics blew me away. Blew. Me. Away. It broke my heart for the people around me, absolutely broke my heart. Then here I was sitting in this room listening to one of the women discuss an upcoming fund raiser for an organization she started a couple of years ago to fight human trafficking. God's working, the preparation He had done so that I would be ready to accept this seed, began to take shape. I began to realize that this was not a "far away" problem. I began to realize that this does not just affect everyone else. This has the very real possibility to affect my own family, my friends, my children. Does that make it more important? No, but sometimes that's what it takes to wake us up to a situation isn't it. My city is one of the top 10 cities for human trafficking. The youngest confirmed victim of sex trafficking in my city is 6 years old. My state has the highest rate of child homelessness of all the 50 states, with 30% of homeless shelter youth and 70% of street youth falling victim to commercial sexual exploitation. All of these stats were taken from my friend's site TraffickingHope.org and there are many, many more stats that will make your heart break. This is not far away. This is in my city, my state, my country. This isn't in the red light district in Amsterdam where prostitution is legal. This isn't in a third world country where people are living in such hopelessness that they are willing to do whatever it takes to get out. No, this is here in my backyard. In fact, there could be a slave right next door.

We heard of a girl, who shares her story in the book "The Slave Next Door". A young girl who was lured in by a 17 year old boy at her school. A boy she saw every day, boy who was nice to her, a boy who offered to drive her home, but instead took her to his home under the guise of "dropping something off on the way". This girl was then drugged and raped and beaten by some 20 men, pictures were taken, and the next day the threats began. She was given copies of the pictures. They threatened to tell her father, who was an affluent business man and very involved in the local Catholic church, and threatened to get him fired. They would call her every night, and she would have to go. She would sneak out under the noses of her parents while they were sleeping and do whatever it was they were calling her to do. She was not a runaway, she was not unloved, she was not homeless. She was a scared young girl who didn't know what to do, so she did the only thing she could think of to protect herself and her family.

This is where the passion for human trafficking and my passion for mothers merge. There are 27 million people in bondage worldwide. 99% of them have not been rescued, but 100% of them are somebody's child. We were told of the handlers who roam the malls seeking out "targets". They seek out the girls who feel insecure, the girls who are seeking to be validated. It's something as simple as telling a girl she has beautiful eyes only to have her say, "No, they're not." What does this mean for us as moms? This is not meant to be an overwhelmingly scary realization. Yes, this is a heavy and uncomfortable topic, but we serve an Almighty God who protects us, who guides us, and who is immensely more powerful than any harm that can come to us. This means that we, as moms, hold all the power, that we can change it all.

It begins with us. It begins with our children. We can transform this horrific cycle one family at a time. It means raising our sons to respect women, to value them, to understand that women are not objects to use, but people to be adored. It means raising our daughters to recognize their true value, to understand the importance of modesty and respect, to teach them the difference between affection and manipulation. If we raise up men who love and respect women, women who love and respect themselves, and wrap it all up in a love and respect for God our Father, we can end this cycle of slavery and abuse. It's hard not to get caught up in the vastness, the severity, the devastation. We may not all be called to go in and rescue these girls from their lives of slavery. We may not all be called to host fund-raisers, to start organizations, to hit the streets, to "get dirty". We may not all feel "passionate" about human trafficking. But as moms we are all called to raise up the next generation, and as moms that's something we should all be passionate about.

Passion is the Seed That Leads to Change

2012-03-04T16:16:00.000-06:00

It all starts with an idea. That idea causes our hearts to beat faster, our brains to work harder, and our hands itch to dig in. We want to "get dirty". This leads to an ongoing relationship with that idea. We begin to live it, to breathe it, it becomes an all-out passion in us. This passion, this constant desire to act on this idea, the willingness to do whatever it takes to get it done, is the seed that leads to change. Once the seed of passion has been planted in us there is no going back.

This month I am going on a journey of passion. Sparked by that moment I saw the seed on passion being planted in my friend, knowing the importance that moment will have on the Kingdom, I am excited to be digging into passion and exploring what impact passion has on our desire for revolution. After all, I did make a resolution for revolution this year. My whole inspiration for this year is action. Not just determining a course of action, but actually taking that action. This year it is all about a sudden, complete, and marked change. The way this change is going to happen is through passion. When God has been preparing your heart, when it becomes fertile soil ready to welcome the seed of passion, and when that seed of passion is planted, revolution is right around the corner!

On the Mountaintop

2012-02-29T14:39:00.000-06:00

As Christians we've all been there. The passion that overtakes us, the desire to be great, the emotion, the calling. We are on the mountaintop. We have never felt closer to God, never felt more passionate about a certain ministry, never had such "clarity". But it fades, and what happens as we begin to travel back down the mountain? In that moment, at the top, we want to change the world. It may last a few hours, a day, a week, but usually that passion begins to get replaced with something else. Without even noticing it, the passion turns to comfort.

“We have hearts that lead us to do nothing. We do not deliberately withhold compassion, but we do not think beyond our personal worlds.”

I love when God begins to stir up something great. I love when He begins a movement of something that is close to His heart. Stirring up a desire in masses to seek out Scriptures, stirring up in masses a desire to serve, stirring up in masses a desire to get closer to Him and to become who He has called us to be. My friend shared on her blog today about "The Ordinary Heart". It spoke to me so much knowing where she was coming from in this. Knowing that God has been secretly stirring up a desire in the hearts of many women I love and that He is beginning to make it known to all of us what He is calling us to do. The mountaintop is just not enough, not if we want to actually make a difference, not if we want to change the world.

"We see a video on one of the big global issues and it makes us sad for a moment. We may even shed a tear or two. We are moved, sometimes to action for a short time. But then life goes on, we get wrapped back up in our own little worlds and we forget that there is an entire world of injustice out there. That is not compassion. That is emotion. And emotion is not is what is needed to make a change."

We go to conferences, we attend conventions, we constantly seek after ways to be "better". We seek after the "self-help" aspect of religion as if it is the very bane of our existence. And you know what, it actually is. Not the seeking, but the self-seeking. The Old English word "bana" means "slayer", the bane of our existence is "something that kills you". But how can seeking ways to be better kill us? No, technically, our self-seeking won't kill us, but it has the very real power to kill our influence, to kill our impact. My God is not a "self-help" God, my God is a God who serves and calls me to serve along side of Him.

“When we have to hold a conference like this to remind the Church to be compassionate, something is fundamentally wrong.”

Amen! I will take it a step further and say if we have to hold conferences to get people excited about being a Christian, something is fundamentally wrong. If we are constantly seeking to better ourselves, but it never sticks; if we are constantly having these brief moments when we want to change the world, but do not go out and do something about it; if we keep treating our relationship with God as if it has everything to do with us and nothing to do with the rest of the world, we're just missing it. As Christians we are called to be filled with Christ. Filled with His love, His purpose, His compassion. If we are not able to live out our calling without being on the mountaintop then something is fundamentally wrong.

"Anyone who sets himself up as 'religious' by talking a good game is self-deceived. This kind of religion is hot air and only hot air. Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father, is this: Reach out to the homeless and loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world."

Something that God has been laying on my heart over and over and over the past 2 years is that religion is not as "bad" as it has been made out to be. Yes, it is all about a relationship with God, no, it is not about following a bunch of rules, and, no, there is absolutely no amount of "good" that we can do to work our way into Heaven. But there is a vast seperation between our salvation and our lifestyle. Anyone can talk the talk, but not many are walking the walk. And we as the church scratch our heads and wonder why many have turned away from established religion, we wonder why the hurting are the ones turning away from the church, we can't understand why the message of Christianity is being met with such distaste. Our actions have no effect on our entrance into Heaven. Once we accept the Lord as our Savior and believe that He died as a sacrifice for us, it is finished our fate is sealed. But our actions have absolutely everything to do with our wittness to others, and absolutely everything to do with whether or not they will make the decision to believe. If we go about our lives bound for Heaven heaping upon ourselves abundant grace, why would anyone believe they need what we have? If they look at your life and it looks the same as theirs, what would they need our God for?

"The sum of your faith is only as good as the sum of your works. Because we know Jesus Christ as Savior, our practices manifest our devotion to Him."

If we as Christians were actually being "religious", people would not be running from God. They would be running toward Him. If we as Christians were actually living by the Word people would not feel shunned. They would feel loved. Being religious is not being self-righteous. Being religious is not just following rules because they are rules, but following rules because they are right. If we were truly being "religious" calling others to live in accordance to their high calling wouldn't make people feel judged, it would make them feel encouraged. Maybe the problem is that as Christians we forgot about our religion as soon as we gained our salvation. We are judgemental rather than encouraging, we are turning people out rather than loving them in. We don't follow the rules because we are forgiven, and they see only hypocrisy not grace. Then we continually go to the mountaintop to find God, but we leave Him behind as we come down.

"Why is there still so much injustice in the world? Some blame God. They ask why He hasn’t done something. Why He allows it to continue. It isn’t God’s fault. It is ours."

All in the details

2012-02-27T15:14:00.002-06:00

There on the arm of the couch were their little outfits. They were lined up nice and neat and ready to go. I saw them and wanted to completely lose it. I felt unloved and ignored all because of these little outfits still neatly folded up on the arm of the couch. How threatening these little things can sometimes be to our feelings.

Sunday mornings are hard on me because leading praise and worship means I have to leave early. I can't eat breakfast with my family, I can't help get the kids ready, and I can't drop them off in their classes and watch them run off to play with their friends. There's something about missing out on those little moments that makes it hard. And despite the fact that I absolutely love leading praise and worship, I was almost in tears this morning as I left the house before anyone else was even awake. I left my hubby and three babies all snuggled comfy in our bed, and I headed to church. I left with a heart full of love at the site of them all asleep, and I headed off to do what I love to do, but for some reason the desire to be with my family was so very strong this morning. Perhaps it was because a local pastor lost his 17 year-old son yesterday and I was feeling especially sensitive to that tender spot in my heart for my family. Insert reason number one I was already vulnerable.

Last Sunday, when I picked our daughter up after church she was wearing grey sweatpants with a completely un-matching dress (yes, a dress over sweatpants) and her brother's big brown jacket. It really caught me off-guard A) because it didn't match B) because it was not her nice clothes by any means and C) because I forgot her daddy had to get her ready for church in the mornings. He doesn't always do a bad job dressing them, and I know it's hard for him to get them all ready for church and drop them off without my help, but I made sure to mention to him that it really bothered me how he had dressed her for church. I don't dress my kids in the latest styles and they are by no means the best dressed, but it was just something that really bothered me deep down in my core when I saw how they were dressed. Insert reason number two I was vulnerable.

This week, I decided I was going to make things easier for my hubby, so I picked out their outfits for church, put them on the arm of the couch, and showed them to him. I made sure I told him that I got their outfits ready at least three times the night before. I made sure I even showed him where they were. I was half-joking because I wanted to "make sure" he had no excuse to forget where the clothes were. He laughed and said, "I will not forget." Insert the reason those clothes still sitting on the arm of the couch made me want to completely lose my mind.

After being so upset having to leave my babies that morning I excitedly went to pick them up from nursery. My son, who is 8 months old but wears 18 month clothes, was stuffed into a nice outfit that was a size 9 months. My daughter was wearing a blue and white hand me down sweater that has been loved to death and is falling apart with bright pink pants that are about 3 inches too short. Insert the straw that broke this momma camel's back.

As irrational as it may seem, in my vulnerability, the sight of my children in these clothes made me feel completely disrespected. I had lovingly picked out their clothes, laid them out in an effort to make my husband's job easier, and made sure he knew where they were. He told me that he could not find the clothes that morning, that he did remember me telling him, that he did look for them, but that he just didn't see them. And I walk in to see them right there on the arm of the couch in the exact spot I left them. Insert my feelings of uselessness, being unloved, like my words mean nothing, like my feelings mean nothing, like everything I do is a waste of time.

It sounds funny reading this to some I'm sure. I know there is a woman saying, it's just clothes, and I really, honestly wished I could have seen it that way. But in that moment it was about all of the times I have felt ignored. In that moment, it was all about my husband telling me with his actions that what I said to him and what I did for him just doesn't matter. In that moment, I was d.o.n.e. We all have that moment. Whether it's over a little thing, like an ignored request, or whether it's a big thing, like a broken promise, or whether it's just a long string of everything. Insert my "what do I do now" face.

I wish I would have been able to respond graciously to this, but I didn't. We were meeting my family for lunch, but, honestly, the sight of my kids in those clothes was just too much for me to handle, so I went to the restaurant and asked my husband (who was already sitting at the table with my family and our kids) to meet me outside. And I did lose it. The tears poured down my face, and I told him that I could not believe that he would treat me that way. I threatened that if he went to baseball that afternoon that I would never forgive him because the thought of him following through on a commitment to someone else when he had deliberately ignored a request from me was too much for me to handle. Insert my "I wish I could turn back time" face.

We don't always act appropriately when something goes wrong, no matter what that is. It's all in the details when it comes to our feelings as a woman. The little things remind me that you will respect me in the big things. If I'm feeling insecure, the little things are the things I will cling to the most. Friday night we had spent the night celebrating Valentine's Day. The fact that we had gone to my favorite sushi restaurant, gone to an amazing Cirque du Soleil show, and had a completely perfect night enjoying each other's company meant nothing in that moment when, because of a few pieces of clothing, I felt completely disrespected. Sometimes we really can't control how we feel about a situation, but we can control our reaction. It reminds me of the verse, "In your anger, do not sin." Our feelings are not sins, sometimes we cannot control it. How I felt about those clothes, there was nothing that I or anyone else could say to convince myself to feel anything differently about it. But, what I could have done was chosen to react a completely different way. Insert me here, praying that next time I can act with self-control and grace rather than acting out of my hurt feelings.

Those clothes are still there, sitting on the arm of the couch. I figured it makes it easier on me tomorrow when I need to dress them. Luckily, after a good cry, a good nap, and a fun night of laughter with friends, my feelings are being mended. Now I just have to pray that in my moments of hurt I will learn to lean on God rather than allowing these moments to place the weight of the world on my shoulders.

God LONGS to Be with You

2012-02-26T23:38:00.000-06:00

In the beginning when God created the Earth, He walked among His creation. He walked through the garden with Adam and Eve, talking with them. It wasn't until sin entered the picture that God had to separate Himself from man, yet even then He continued to find ways to be with them. Speaking to them audibly, appearing to them in dreams, making covenants with them. God desperately desired a relationship with a fallen creation. Even when the world became so wicked that He wished He had never even created it, He found Himself so filled with compassion for His creation that He still longed to save it.

In Exodus, The presence of God led the Israelites in the form of a cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night. God instructed Moses to construct the Ark of the Covenant, and filled it with His presence and symbols of His covenant with His people as a constant reminder to them that He was among them. God desperately desires to be among His people, loving them, leading them. He seeks to remind us of His presence and power in all that He does. He longed for a relationship with us so much that His own presence, in the form of Jesus Christ, came as a man to dwell among us, paving the way for something even better.

I've always wished I could have been blessed to have been on the earth during the life of Christ. To see Him, to walk with Him, to learn from Him. It wasn't until recently that I learned of the blessing of this time here on Earth. In the here and now, we are still called into His presence. In fact, we are constantly in His presence, or maybe a bit more accurately, He is in ours. Jesus stated in Luke, that He must leave to pave the way for us to do even better things than He had done while on Earth. He promised us a helper to endwell in us, to lead us the same as the God of the Old Testament, to teach us the same as Jesus, and to empower us in a way that had not been done before. God longed so desperately to be with us that His own Son, was led to the slaughter in order to pave the way for the Holy Spirit to endwell in His people.

God provided a permanent bridge to cross the gap that separated Him from His creation when sin entered the world. Now there are no boundaries. He endwells us, filling us with His Spirit. He empowers us with greater strength than we could ever imagine, strength to fulfill any calling He places on us. God is in us, and through us does great and powerful things. Despite all of our short comings, God longs for us to allow Him to enter in, to allow Him to change our hearts, to be sanctified unto Him, and for us to ultimately spend eternity in His Holy presence just as He had created us.

Are you content to be on the outside of God?

2012-02-22T11:05:00.000-06:00

Are you content to stand on the outside, watching others as they are bathed in His presence? Are you content to see the joy fill the faces of others, but to never know how that feels? Are you content where you are? Are you content to be a Christian who is "saved", but not set apart? Let us find God, be filled with God, and fervently seek after Him at all times. We are called to a high calling. Are you living up to that call? Are you a light in the darkness? Let us desire to be taken into the Holy of Holies, be cleansed by God, be used by Him.

My Child's Keeper

2012-02-20T23:19:00.001-06:00

When I consider what it means to be a mother I am filled with honor and excitement. When I think that God has given over to me these little beings, fresh and new, unblemished by the world, to grow them up in His calling, I am amazed.To know that He found me worthy of the calling of "mother" can be an overwhelming thought. It brings so much freedom, yet so much fear at the same time. Fortunately the freedom is the true calling and the fear is of my own making.

The freedom of God's calling of mother, is that while I am the mother, God is the one who is in true control. My job as my child's keeper is to plant in them the seeds that will grow to create the beauty God is bringing up in them. As a mother I carefully plant the seeds of love, confidence, self-worth, and purpose. I tend to them, keep the weeds of the world from choking them out. I use every opportunity to do the best I possibly can, but in the end God is the one who grows those seeds, who matures those seeds, who causes those seeds to bring forth fruit. The freedom is that I do the best I can in everything, apologize and try better when I fail, and love as much as I can then I pray in those moments that I have no control, and know that it all is in God's hands. My children don't need perfection from me, they already have a perfect heavenly Father. They need someone to teach them the right path, so that when they feel God's leading them they will recognize it. They need me to lay the foundation for God to build on, and then I can be there to help them along the narrow way.

Yes, there is great freedom in the calling of mother. There also seems to be a great bit of fear as well. Fear that our children will stray, fear that our children will not come to know the Lord, fear that we will not do enough. We need to be able to separate our convictions from our fears, to recognize when we need to change and when we need to pray. The convictions God lays on our heart to change the things that we have control over, our attitude and our methods, these things we can change to keep ourselves in His will. However, our children's attitudes, the choices they make out of their own free will, the path that they may decide to take that we do not agree with, are all things we fear, yet these are all things we can do nothing about. In those moments we need to recognize the freedom in our calling, that our job is to plant the seeds, but we cannot make them grow into completion. We need to let go of the fear of losing control, the fear of who our children will become, the fear that we will mess everything up if we do something wrong, and recognize the truth in our calling. The fact that God is the true, perfect parent and our job is to lead them in His direction.

And as they grow, if when they mess up, and if they choose to stray, have faith in the seeds that you planted and in the foundation that you laid. Recognize the calling you have on your life, but recognize the responsibility that your children have to apply these things themselves. Our children are not our puppets anymore than we are puppets to the Almighty Father. We cannot, and do not want to, control their every single move. We want them to be their own people, with the ability to make their own decisions, and we know that God can turn their greatest mistakes into the greatest growth. We lead them, not leash them. We love them, not lure them. We do what we can, and God does the rest.

When was the last time you felt "Angst"?

2012-02-16T10:45:00.002-06:00

Anguish: Grief, often used to convey the added element of mental distress.

I would be five months pregnant right now. This morning, I found myself holding my stomach, as if I were waiting to feel the little flutters. As if I truly thought I was still pregnant, but I'm not pregnant anymore. You may say, "God doesn't let you be tested beyond what you can bear." To that I say, oh, yes, He does. The rest of that scripture is "with your testing He will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it." It is not that He does not allow us to face more than we can handle, it is that HE brings us THROUGH it. And no matter how it feels at the time, He WILL bring us through it.

Beth Moore describes anguish as "pain + anxiety", "suffering + dread", "hurt + harassment".

It could be physical pain, emotional distress, or rejection. There are things going on in our lives at all times that can stir up in us these feelings of angst. Sometimes it's sparked by a situation that pulls every single emotion out of us. Sometimes it drudges out the things of our past that we had convinced ourselves were buried. What brings me anguish may seem silly to you and vice versa, but the only thing that seems to matter during our times of anguish is how it feels. Emotions are hard to overcome, hard to see through, and I'm convinced that in our times of anguish the root of it will always be emotion. In every one of these definitions there is an emotion involved. Anxiety, dread, hurt. If we were just feeling pain, suffering, or harassment these times may not cause such grief. It's the added emotions that we naturally associate to every single aspect of our life that has the ability to bring about such mental distress, such harm. There have been times when I have thought this has been way more than I could bear on my own. But God. Through it all God has provided godly friends and leaders who have supported me, held me up when I couldn't do it on my own, and encouraged me to follow my calling in all situations. God provided me with insights that I would never have gotten otherwise.

The great thing about angst is that it doesn't end there. It is but a moment, and it has the potential to change everything you know yourself to be.

Yes, anguish has the potential to completely devestate you, to make you give up on God and turn away, to make you forget your purpose. That is why Satan uses it to come against you, he knows that so often we will give up in the middle rather than sticking it out. But God sees the potential that can come from the anguish as He lovingly leads us through it. He wills for us to place ourselves in His hands and let Him carry us. He has a plan for our lives. He has a place He wants us to get to, a place of His perfect will for our life. He will use every single thing in our life to get us there. He turns our greatest pain into our greatest purpose.

I love and wish I could share every single word and scripture from week 3 in the "Mercy Triumphs" study on James from Beth Moore, but I will simply share the main points and why we are able to, in God, consider the fact that joy is about to come through our sorrow. Did you ever consider how anguish and joy can coexist? James 1:2. Did you know that anguish and joy can trade places? That in a moment of anguish you will be given a moment of joy that will replace it? Isaiah 61:1-3. Have you been able to recognize that anguish can morph into joy? That a moment of anguish can itself be turned into joy? John 16:20.

Anguish is always meant to lead to a birth. No matter what anguish it is we face, we can glory in the knowledge that it is for a purpose. That if we let these trials produce their completed work in us we will become "perfect and complete lacking nothing" as James shares. There is no greater joy I feel than knowing that even here on Earth I can find myself abiding in His perfect and completed will for my life. Will I be the world's idea of the "perfect" woman? Will I never sin? No, but I will be exactly who and where God wants me to be. My life will be exactly what he has purposed for it.When I consider what can come from anguish, what better option is there than to give it over to God and allow Him to turn it into something glorious?

I know the promise that is held in allowing these trials to be used, in allowing myself to let anguish bring about a completed work in me. So I will push through it. Come what may.

8 Weeks to Adoption: Moving Mountains

2012-02-10T20:11:00.002-06:00

'"You realize you're pretty much asking us to do the impossible, to move mountains.' My response was, 'Yes, I realize that. But that's not a problem for God. He's in the mountain moving business.'"

In early December, a family was made aware of a beautiful 13 year old girl in need of a home. I shared with you their testimony in late December, asking you to flood Heaven with prayers for this family, and I have been absolutely bouncing off the walls to share with you their success! I've been trying to figure out a way to type this out that truly conveys the absolute miracle that has been performed, but I feel like there are no words that can truly capture the mountains that God has physically moved for this family. I'm not going to be able to give every single detail of every single miraculous step that has happened, just know that it was an absolutely impossible situation in which absolutely impossible things had to happen over and over and over in order for this to happen. I will try to relay the amazing things that have happened, I will try to give you a picture of the sheer magnitude of what God has done, and I know that even if my words fall short the evidence of God's hand and of His purpose is just undeniable!

This was a literal battle against the clock. The only way I can describe it is that here was this little girl trapped in an hour glass, with sand pouring over her, about to run out of time, about to be lost forever. This beautiful, precious daughter of God turns 14 at the end of February. Yes, that is just a few short weeks from now, and it was only 2 short months from the time this family discovered her. If she does not have her "gotcha date" by her birthday, she can NEVER be adopted. Even if there is a family desperately wanting her, they cannot get her, there is absolutely nothing that can be done. She would most likely be turned out to the streets, a victim of sex trafficking or other terrible high risk situations. The problem was, a file had never been made for this precious girl. She has grown up in an orphanage, watched all of her friends get adopted, but no one thought anyone would want her so they never even made a file. It would be impossible to get a file made and to find her a family and to get everything finalized before her birthday. As the adoption agency said, the family was asking to do the impossible, but they said to at least try.

"In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears." Psalm 18:6

Getting a file for this beautiful child of God was, at the moment, the least of this family's worries. They had adopted a daughter just a year ago. Those who have adopted know the financial burden that comes with adoption. How would it be possible to adopt another child so soon? Less than two weeks into the new adoption process they had already received 75% of the money they needed! January 5th, one month later, they have a file for this precious girl!!! This means they should now be able to get pre-approval. In order for things to happen as they need to, they need to happen immediately. By January 10th the impossible was seeming even more impossible and by now time was absolutely critical. The document that was supposed to have left the embassy needed to be there the next day, they needed immediate pre-approval, a log-in date within 24 hours of receipt of their dossier, and LOA (letter of acceptance) before January 23rd.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

On January 13th they had received pre-approval (meaning they were "officially matched") for their beautiful, hopefully soon-to-be daughter. Just hours before pre-approval they had received a donation that brought them 100% of their needed funds! Praise to the Almighty Father who holds the hearts of the orphans in His hands, who provides for their every need! Also on January 13th their dossier was delivered, and they had been issued a log-in-date the same exact day! Again, praise God for continued answers to prayers! By January 20th they had been issued their LOA! God's continuous provision was completely overwhelming. There is usually an 80 day wait between the time you get your log-in date until the time you receive your LOA. The agency was 98% certain that this would never happen. BUT GOD! On January 21st, Eliana was told that she has a family!!!

On February 1st, their Article 5 had been issued and overnighted (this is approval for Eliana's visa once the adoption is complete). It normally takes a minimum of 2 weeks for this to be issued, but they had theirs within 24hrs. The only thing left was the official invitation to bring their daughter home! Within 2 days they had their travel approval!!! Despite all of the impossible circumstances, the road blocks, the literal mountains that needed to be moved, the only thing left to do is to go get their little girl!!!

^"Jesus looked at them and said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.'" Matthew 19:26

You are my Everything.

2012-02-09T15:36:00.002-06:00

When I was leading worship for our youth group, this was one of my absolute favorite songs to do. I cannot even say how many times I feel myself singing this out to God. How can we find ourselves in the presence of God and not be moved? He truly is all that we want, all we need, our everything. My hands are lifted up in praise to the God who was, who is, and who is to come! We praise you, Almighty Father, Maker of Heaven and Earth, for being absolutely, completely, 100% everything!

When people fail me, He is JEHOVAH-SHAMMAH "the Lord who is present" in Him I am never alone.
When I need Him to fight for me, He is JEHOVAH-NISSI "the Lord is my banner" in Him victory is certain.
When the trials have filled every aspect of my life, He is JEHOVAH-SHALOM "the Lord is peace" in Him there is sanity.
When there are doubts, He is EL-ROI "the strong one who sees" in Him there is comfort.
When I stray, He is JEHOVAH-ROHI "the Lord is my shepherd" in Him there is restoration and a clear path.
When I long to be everything He has called me to be, He is JEHOVAH-MACCADDESHEM "the Lord my sanctifier" in Him there is purpose and fullfillment.
When life seems too hard to bear, when I wonder who it is I serve, He is EL-ELYON, EL-SHADDAI, EL-OLAM "the most high God, God Almighty, the everlasting God" in Him there is no weakness.

Best Friends Forever or Just For Now?

2012-02-07T17:59:00.001-06:00

Is it just me, or is the term "Best Friends Forever" just a set-up for disappointment? I remember when we ran into one of my mom's best friends from college, I was about 10. When she told me she never even talks to her anymore I could not understand it. I even told my friends as soon as I saw them how ridiculous it was. I was never going to be my mom, and I would talk to my friends forever! I figured maybe my mom was halfway right and I wouldn't talk to my friends from elementary or even high school forever, but certainly college. It just didn't make sense. I thought we were supposed to be friends forever. What are you supposed to do with no best friends? Those best friends I had when I was 10, I don't talk to them anymore either and I'm pretty sure my 10 year reunion will be the first time I'll even see most of my friends since high school. Even my roommates from college have started their own lives and I am not a huge part in it. We all grow up, go separate ways, find new friends. Even my husband, who grew up in the same house his entire life so he doesn't have the excuse of moving 8 times like I do, has new friends. He actually had the same friends throughout college and even until we were married. I thought it was weird, I thought maybe I just didn't understand this best friend thing after all. But, as soon as we were married and his friends were still single the relationships started to fade away. By the time we had children we never even talked to any of them anymore.

I would certainly love to think that we will have best friends forever, friends that have been there for us since we were 5, friends that knew us before anyone else, but I don't want my children to think that this is how relationships neccessarily work. I know there are some people who have been friends since they were 5 and that is amazing, but for the majority of us that's just not reality. When I was in 5th grade my parents decided to move me to a different school. I remember my best friend and I pleading, absolutely begging, her mom to move her to that school as well. We just couldn't imagine not being in eachother's lives. She did, but do you want to know what happened? My best friend soon found a new friend and they began to bully me mercilessly. Most of my friendships have not ended in such a dramatic way. Most of them begin to fade away over time until I realized those people are just not a part of my life anymore. Our interests change, our physical appearance changes, we move, there are so many reasons our relationships don't stay the same as we grow up. We are constantly growing and changing, getting closer to some people and farther apart from others, trying to live our life the way we want to and not the way others are living theirs. I certainly don't want my children to feel like there is something wrong with them if the person they once considered their best friend one day just isn't anymore. I do want to teach them to nurture their relationships, to value and cherish their friends, and to enjoy every single moment making memories, but I want them to know it's okay if it's not the same person that they are making memories with every single time.

I've learned to value my best friends for now. Those best friends I had growing up had a huge impact on me and who I am no matter how it ended. I needed them at that time in my life, and we really were best friends even if it wasn't for forever. My babies have started to form their first friendships, and I guess it's normal given my history of being bullied to want to protect them, but I know that these friends are going to be some of the most important people in their lives and I can't just keep them away from people for the rest of their lives or hand-pick who it is they hang around with. I want them to enjoy these friendships, and it's up to me to help them learn how to define what friendship even means. In order to do that I had to learn to define it myself.

It doesn't matter how long someone is your friend, if they're there for many years or just a week. A friend is someone who knows the real you and loves you for it, someone who doesn't pressure you to do things you know are wrong and always encourages you to do what's right. A friend is someone you can talk about your hopes and your dreams with, and who will help you think of ways to accomplish them. It doesn't matter if they agree with you 100% of the time or not, you may even fight but you always forgive. A friend is someone who when you truly need them they will always be there, someone who you don't feel bad about calling in the middle of the night. A friend helps you find the strength when you feel like you can't do it anymore, and who will carry you if you need it. A friend is someone who you can pick up the phone after 20 years and you can still carry on a conversation.

Information Overload

2012-02-06T13:47:00.001-06:00

Lately, I have read article after article after article about parenting. Why French parents are the best, why African parents are the best, why basically every parent except American parents are the best. There's new research proving that certain parenting methods are harmful to a baby's developing brain, certain parenting methods create anxiety in children, certain parenting methods create a lack of boundaries, certain parenting methods are too involved, certain parenting methods are not involved enough. On, and on, and on. The last thing I need is to read one more article telling me what I'm doing wrong, what everyone else is doing right, how I'm ruining everything. The last thing I want to do is be the author of one of these articles.

I'm not an expert, I'm just a mom. I'm very much aware that some of the things I do with my children will not work with everyone else, I'm very much aware that I am not completely perfect. The things I write in this blog are not a step-by-step guide of how to raise your children. My #1 fear is that some who read my blog will feel like that is exactly what this is. I write what I do. I write about my successes, my failures, my victories, and my struggles. I do not feel the need to constantly say, "this may not work for you," or to constantly point out that I am not perfect. When I'm reading articles like that I feel like maybe the person doesn't even believe what they are saying themselves. I feel like you, as the reader, are definitely smart enough to know what works for you and what doesn't, I feel like you know that I am not perfect because none of us are. What good would it do for me to constantly point out my flaws? I don't want to read about someone's failures over and over and over without reading of their success. And when someone does write about their success I am not going to immediately feel like they are pushing down my throat the idea that they are better than I am. I know that is not what they are saying. I really hope that I'm not the only one who feels that way.

I recently read an article...yes, I read a lot of articles, and I mean an insane amount of articles, because that is something that I love to do. Anyway, I recently read an article that said facebook causes feelings of depression because we see everyone else's life and feel like ours just isn't good enough. It made it sound like people are putting forth a false image that their life is perfect. It reminded me of a few blog posts recently about people feeling bad about themselves when they read blogs. Now, I'm not saying that I have never looked at my friends' pictures of their trips abroad, their lavish weddings, their beautiful homes and thought "Oh how I wish." In fact, I'm not even saying that there haven't been times that I didn't give in to those feelings of worthlessness based on someone else. I'm not saying that I've never looked at a blog post and thought, they are doing it right and I am not. But I refuse to believe we have really gotten to the point where we believe people are trying to fake everyone into believing they are perfect. And I refuse to believe that the purpose of these posts are to make us feel badly about ourselves. I just believe that we are so much smarter than that. I think this idea of how we view others just speaks to our own perceptions of the information provided.

Honestly, in my non-expert, just a mom opinion what would really create a feeling of depression is looking at someone's facebook page or blog posts and to have it only talk about everything negative that has ever happened. So are we really creating this lose-lose situation in our life where we're upset if someone posts something negative and we're upset because someone posts something positive? Again, this is why I think this speaks to our own perception. Are we caught up in this endless cycle of comparisons?

All-in-all, I would argue that we should have the attitude that people are not setting out to create in us any feelings at all by what they post. By sharing something with us, they are just sharing how they felt in that situation. "My vacation was awesome, I want to share how awesome it was because it was so exciting for me." In the small minority of people who may post their vacation pictures to make you jealous then shame on them, but in the end shame on us for letting them have that impact. If someone posts something negative see that as an invitation to encourage, cry with, and love on them. The majority does not share something negative for the sole purpose of dragging everyone else down with them, and if they are why should we let it effect us in such a way?

Am I speaking to anyone other than myself? Maybe I don't take personally everything I read just because I read so much. It would be absolutely impossible for me to take everything I read into account in my life. I read articles about every parenting style from every country from every type of person. There are a lot of things I agree with, a lot of things I don't, a lot of things that are interesting, and a lot of things that are down right wrong. In the end the only thing I have to answer to 100% is the Word of God, everything else provides me the freedom to pick and choose what I want to believe, what I want to think more about, and what I want to completely discard. Most of all I'm just excited that these people have a passion for what they are doing, that they are sharing their views with the world. I think it's amazing that we have the ability to have the world and it's opinions at our fingertips. Yes, this can be a very overwhelming thing, that's why we should take it for what it is, a bunch of people just trying to share their life with the world and make a difference just like everyone else.

Something Happens to the Old You

2012-02-06T06:29:00.004-06:00

When you are a Christian something happens to the old you. It's like someone flips a switch on your life, and you are completely changed. Things that never made sense before finally do, and others can't understand how it is you know the things you do. When you are a Christian the things that you used to take pride in no longer matter, what used to be entertaining does nothing but leave you empty, the things you used to feel seem so shallow and mundane.

When you know Jesus something happens to the old you. It's like your life finally has a purpose, and you can't wait to begin each new day. Things that used to seem unimagineable before begin to happen, and others can't understand the blessings in your life. When you know Jesus the people you used to ignore now take center stage, the fallen world brings your heart pain and you seek to bring redemption, a soul saved brings your spirit joy and you long to celebrate the eternal.

When you change your life something happens to the old you. It's like no one can recognize you anymore, and you can't even recognize yourself. Things that used to define you are changed, and others can't figure out what happened. When you change your life something happens to the people around you, they begin to notice something is different and want to know what it is, you no longer have to tell others about Jesus because they begin to ask you.

When you become the Light of the World something happens to the old you. It's like you are set apart, and others are drawn to you. Things that become a daily part of your life are so different from how everyone else lives, and others want to know how you do it. When you become the Light of the World people are drawn to you like a moth to the flame, the difference you make in another's life is done before you even open your mouth to speak, they no longer see you but see Jesus Himself.

Loving the Terribleness of Toddlerhood

2012-02-05T15:33:00.000-06:00

The other day, I posted about the toddler in me, and it really got me thinking about the comparison between my toddlers and myself. Immediately after having children there were warnings of the terrible two's and horrible three's, but the thing is, I love this age. Toddlers do everything out of emotion. If they feel it, they do it. If they want it, they take it. If they think it, they say it. In reality, aren't they doing exactly what we want to do? I'm not saying what they do is right. On the contrary, living out of the flesh is exactly what we as Christians are instructed not to do. So how does my children acting out in their flesh play such a huge roll in my parenting style and why do I love it so much?

I love it because as adults we have gotten so good at one thing: hiding our flaws. We hide them from the world and, most importantly, we hide them from ourselves. This is the complete opposite of my children, who don't care what other people think about them and don't have the slightest desire to try to hide anything from me. So how can I use this to my advantage? If I am paying attention to my children, listening to them when they speak, watching how they act and treat others, it doesn't take very long to figure out exactly what areas I need to work on with them. In fact, their honesty and inability to hide their feelings makes my job so much easier. Just this morning, I was able to take advantage of my son's honesty and use it to teach him a valuable lesson. As I was fixing my hair my three year old told me, "I don't want to go to church today. We have toys here at home." Oh how I wanted to say, I know exactly how you feel buddy (again recognizing the toddler in me too)! But I was able to recognize in his honesty a teachable moment. We spent the next minute or so (he's 3, so this did not go into a deep, theological discussion) talking about why we go to church, that it's not just about toys. We talked about learning about Jesus from our wonderful teachers, gathering with our friends to talk about Jesus together, and the importance of going to church so we can take some time to focus on solely God. And then I made sure I thanked him for being honest about his feelings, because oh how I love their honesty.

Whenever my children are acting in a way that toddlers do, testing the limits, standing their ground, being rude, you name it, it is always an opportunity for me to teach them something based on how they are acting in that moment. It's like a big neon sign pointing to exactly what I need to do. How could I not love that? I'm not saying it's not difficult. In fact, sometimes I want to pretend I didn't just hear what they said or ignore their actions so I can finish what I'm doing rather than having to "teach" my child a valuable lesson. The reason I love it is because the older they get the harder it will be for me to recognize what they need me to do to help teach them. In the exact same way that it has become harder for me to recognize my own short falls at times because I have gotten so good at covering it up, my children will also learn the art of masking their struggles.

The only difference between a toddler and an adult is our ability to act with self-control and responsibility. So, I will embrace these times of toddlerhood because the things that make it so "terrible" are the exact things that will help me effectively raise up my children to be self-controlled, responsible adults. Like I said, the feelings we have as toddlers never really go away, so why not teach our children how to deal with them in the moment rather than leaving them to try to figure it out later?

Journey of James

2012-02-04T10:11:00.001-06:00

I recently shared where I am in my Bible study, at a crossroads between the Word of God and the words of man. I shared my excitement with my newest Bible study and how I will be challenging myself to memorize the entire book of James along with women all over the country. So, here I go with my printed pages, my highlighter, and a mind ready to learn. I am giving myself five months to memorize it (give or take). That is a pace of one chapter a month. I chose the NASB version because I felt it was the easiest to speak and was still in keeping to the original text. Here is a quick comparison of translations. This month I will be memorizing chapter 1. I will go verse by verse, line by line. Feel free to join me if you want. I can't wait at the end of this journey to post myself reciting the entire book of James by heart!

James 1

Testing Your Faith

¹ James, a bond-servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ,
To the twelve tribes who are dispersed abroad: Greetings.

² Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. ⁴ And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

⁵ But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. ⁶ But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. ⁷ For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, ⁸ being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

⁹ But the brother of humble circumstances is to glory in his high position; ¹⁰ and the rich man is to glory in his humiliation, because like flowering grass he will pass away. ¹¹ For the sun rises with a scorching wind and withers the grass; and its flower falls off and the beauty of its appearance is destroyed; so too the rich man in the midst of his pursuits will fade away.

¹² Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him. ¹³ Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God”; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone. ¹⁴ But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. ¹⁵ Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death. ¹⁶ Do not be deceived, my beloved brethren. ¹⁷ Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow. ¹⁸ In the exercise of His will He brought us forth by the word of truth, so that we would be a kind of first fruits among His creatures.

¹⁹ This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; ²⁰ for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. ²¹ Therefore, putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls. ²² But prove yourselves doers of the word, and not merely hearers who delude themselves. ²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks at his natural face in a mirror; ²⁴ for once he has looked at himself and gone away, he has immediately forgotten what kind of person he was. ²⁵ But one who looks intently at the perfect law, the law of liberty, and abides by it, not having become a forgetful hearer but an effectual doer, this man will be blessed in what he does.

²⁶ If anyone thinks himself to be religious, and yet does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this man’s religion is worthless. ²⁷ Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

The Toddler in Me

2012-02-03T20:41:00.001-06:00

It took having kids of my own to be able to recognize some of my biggest flaws. The toddler that is in my head saying, "Mine, mine, mine" and the temper tantrums just fighting to get out. I guess the only difference between being an adult and being a toddler is not giving in to these feelings. If you pay attention you can see this inner toddler coming out in everyone. The teenage girl who argues with her mother over her wardrobe, the grandma who wants to have Thanksgiving at her house and do it exactly her way no matter what, the husband and wife who argue over what to do with the budget. The desire for control, the desire to do it our way, the desire to do it just because someone wants to do something else. It's something that is in us no matter how old we are. It's the same things I try to correct in my children on a daily basis that still try to come out in me. I try to remind them to put others ahead of themselves, to always share, to compromise when someone wants to play a different game than they do, to admit when they are wrong. Yet, here I am with the toddler in my head trying to go against everything I am teaching them. When something unexpected happens there I am wanting to throw a tantrum because they aren't going the way I want them to. When we need to use the money I've set aside for something special for an unforseen expense I want to stamp my feet and hold my breath just hoping that I can get my way and do what I want. I don't want to think about what's best for everyone else, I have my own ideas. I don't want to think about priorities, I just want to do what I want to do. Oh the little toddler in my head. Sometimes she'll make her way out, and I have to correct her and put her back in her place. Instead I have to remember to act with self-control, to be responsible, and to actually act out the things I teach my children everyday. No, the toddler in us never really goes away, it's too stubborn for that. But at least I can recognize when the toddler in me starts to come out and correct it.

Proverbs 29:11
A fool always loses his temper, But a wise man holds it back.

Philippians 2:3

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.

I Enjoy the Night

2012-02-02T00:28:00.002-06:00

I enjoy the night...
I enjoy the quiet that comes when the sun goes down, the comfort when surrounded in darkness,
the sound of peacefully sleeping babies and a softly snoring husband.
I enjoy the privacy of being the only one awake, the feeling of being alone without having to be lonely,
the sense of being me and only me.
I enjoy the ability to let my mind wander, the peace of spending time alone in my own head,
the joy of listening to my thoughts uninterrupted.
I enjoy the closeness I can feel to everyone around me, the cloak of invisibility that surrounds me,
the secret way I can sneak from room to room to watch my babies sleep.
I enjoy the way I can forget the pain of the day, the hope of a new morning,
the escape into my dreams.
I enjoy the night, it's my favorite time of day...

The End of the Journey of "Me"

2012-01-31T18:01:00.000-06:00

I'm so thankful you stuck around with me this month as I shared some things about myself. For someone who can talk so freely, I cannot even believe how difficult I found it to share at times. The topics were definitely harder for me to come up with and the posts were a lot less frequent, but it was another great month for me. A month of learning, a month of growing, a month of sharing. I'm just thankful that no matter how much I learn in my life and how far I've come there's always room to learn more, to grow more, to be more. So I'll close out this month with the main things you will figure out about me, just in case you haven't noticed a trend already.

My #1 goal in life is to learn at least a little bit about everything. I have no need to be an expert and no desire to be completely perfect in one area. I think that's the main reason I absolutely love being a mom. I can learn right alongside my children, grow with them, and just have fun. Being a mom is all about the ability to do a million different things. And the best part about it is not having to do everything perfectly because my kids appreciate me just for making an effort. If I were to be honest, the main reason I want to homeschool is so I can continue to learn the things that I missed out on while I was in school.

My #1 fear is that no one will come to my funeral. I cannot wait for the day I stand before my Creator face-to-face, and I live my life in a way that I can be confident in that. I dream of hearing Him say, "Well done, good and faithful servant." I use every ounce of talent, strength, love, and all the powers He has equipped me with so I can stand before Him and say, "I did all I could, and I did it for you." To me, the earthly equivalent to hearing God ask, "Do you not know what you could have done while you were on Earth," would be to have no one show up at my funeral. It's like the world telling you, "You didn't do enough." I want to live my life with such calling that when I'm gone there is a noticeable absence. I'm not saying I want fame and fortune or to have my name written in History books, I'm saying I want to have touched people's lives in such a way that it is not forgotten by them.

My #1 love is my Lord and Savior. Strangely, this is one I have to work on daily. As a wife and mother there is a constant battle with my flesh to keep God first. It is hard not to put my husband and kids above the Lord some days, honestly probably most days. This is also a mental struggle for me. Growing up with a mom whose mental illness manifested itself with "religious themes" I have struggled greatly with talking about God, hearing people talk about God, and how great of a role God actually has in our life. One day I will post about how and why I have these struggles and what I have learned from it, but for now I will simply say this...although I do have to work to keep God the #1 focus in my life, He definitely is #1, and I hope by the way I live my life, the things I post, and the words that come out of my mouth that even though it is something I have to work for, that it is not something that anyone can doubt about me.

Baby Dedication Sunday!

2012-01-29T07:57:00.002-06:00

Today at church we dedicated our little family to the Lord, it is the perfect ending to a month filled with stories about myself and my journey. A reminder that no matter what happens, my life and my family are in the hands of an Almighty Savior. I praise you, Father, for these many, many blessings you have entrusted to me. I turn my babies over to Your hand and I will raise them according to Your will and not my own selfish desires.

Here are the life verses we have chosen for each of our children.

Maddox Gabriel
7lbs 10oz 20in

For my sweet Maddox. Born 3 years ago making me a mommy, and through his journey with autism making me a fighter. For such a loving boy that when you talk to him you swear he talks to Jesus face to face. The day he chooses to ask Jesus into his heart will be no surprise to me. In fact, I truly believe Jesus is already there, residing in the sweet spirit of a boy who already loves the Lord with everything he has.

2 Timothy 3:14-15 But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.

Eden Alexandra
7lbs 11oz 20in (at 36wks)

For my beautiful Eden. When she was born 2 years ago, she taught me the most valuable thing about love, its amazing ability to multiply. She is truly radiant. From her shining blonde hair to her sparkling blue eyes to her huge, perfect smile everything about her just lights up the room. She has her mommy's love of music and a giggle that will make you promise her the moon. She lives her life like it's a musical, singing every word. One day, she will make a man fight for her with all he has then she will reward him greatly by giving him her heart.

Proverbs 31:25-26, 30 She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come. She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Kason Everett
7lbs 14oz 22.5in

For my precious Kason. My sweet miracle baby, the one we almost did not have. As he clings to me with all his might, I cherish every single moment with him knowing that all too soon he will be clinging to his wife instead. Every day of these last seven months have brought a fullness to our family that I didn't even know was missing. The love that continues to grow amazes and humbles me every single day. I pray that he never feels like he is anything less than perfect.

Proverbs 4:20-27 My son, pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight; keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.Keep your mouth free from perversity; keep corrupt talk from your lips. Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you. Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways. Do not turn to the right or the left; keep your foot from evil.

You Don't Know Me

2012-01-27T07:35:00.069-06:00

Hi, you don't know me. I'm the 7-year-old Krista. I'm the one who never really knew what it was like to be a child. I'm the one who had to grow up too quickly. I'm the one who ran away from home and spent the day in my babysitter's dog house. Yup, that's me. Are you jealous? Do you wish you were me? I'm the one who never stayed in the same place for longer than two years, who never really learned how to make friends, the one who had a best friend once but my parents took me away and told me I could never speak to her again. I'm the one who remembers way more than I should have.

Hi, you don't know me. I'm the 13-year-old Krista. You know, the one who used to cry herself to sleep every night? Yeah, that's me. I am the one who was teased mercilessly because my hair was never right, my clothes were weird, my feet were too big. It was hard enough for me growing up, but no one seemed to care if they were making things any easier for me. I'm the one who couldn't sit still in class, couldn't concentrate, had to use the bathroom every five minutes. I was the strange one, I know. Don't worry, even though you told me I was different it wasn't new to me. I had felt like an outsider my entire life. But thank you for pointing it out to me, just in case for some reason I had gotten the strange idea in my head that maybe there was a chance for me to fit in. Yes, thank you for always letting me know where I stood in your eyes. No, you don't know me. I'm the little girl whose mother suffers from serious mental illness, so she kidnapped my brothers and sister and told me that she could see Jesus and that my daddy was the devil. I'm the little girl that had to visit her in that place. A place that most will never have to step foot in and if they did they would run the other way. I'm the little girl whose father thinks I can't do a single thing right and makes sure to tell me that every single day. I'm the little girl that no one wants to be friends with.

Hi, you don't know me. I'm the 18-year-old Krista. I'm the one who has managed to go my entire life without making any lifelong friends. I'm the one who has dreamed of the day I could leave my parents' house forever. I am the one who still has no idea who I am or what I am going to do with my life. Yes, I know Jesus, but just like everything else that just makes me even more different than everybody else. In fact, it's right about now that I am most vulnerable in my life, so, I'm so glad I've found a boy who truly loves me and will teach me what it's like to feel normal. No, you don't know me. I'm the one who still cries everyday, but now it's because instead of my dad telling me I can't do anything right, it's this boy. I'm the one who finally knows what it's like to feel "loved", and I'm realizing that I still feel exactly the way I did before. I'm the one who is starting to doubt that there is a God because surely He would have done something by now, saved me from all of this pain, something, anything. I'm the one who decided I can just do it on my own, that I don't need anyone else because there is obviously no such thing as love.

Hi, you think you know me. I'm the 25-year-old Krista. I'm the one that has all the baggage. I'm the one who has discovered that there really is a God, that there really is love, that my life really is, sadly, normal. I'm the one who has grown out of my awkward phase and into my big feet. I'm the one who finally feels beautiful, and no longer has a man telling me I can't do anything right. I'm the one who has wonderful children, a fantastic husband, a great life. I'm the one who often forgets just how awful it felt to be me when I was younger, at least until I hear someone say, "If I could do it all over again I wouldn't change a thing because that's what made me who I am." That's when I remember exactly where I came from, and I say to them that I would change it all. I would change it all because I would like to be who I am today without all of the mistakes and pain of the past. Who wouldn't? I'm the one who tries to remember the happy times rather than the hard ones, and sometimes I fail miserably at that. I'm the one who strives to have a relationship with my family so the pain of the past can be replaced with something new, something better, something I can be proud of.

But I hope you want to know me. Not the old me, not the insecure me, but the new me. The me on the inside. I'm the one that is alive, the one that has hope, the one that has a future. I'm the one whose wounds are healed. Yes, I hope you want to know me. I hope you want to know me through the eyes of the Creator, because that's how I have learned to see myself. He is the only one who truly knows me. He knows my strengths because He has given them to me, but He also knows my weaknesses and has seen them in action. He knows my past. but cares only about my future. He desires the best for me; He has a plan for my life; He wants to use me, failures and all. Yes, I hope you want to know me the way He knows me. That's the way I want to know you too.

The ABC's of Me

2012-01-25T22:12:00.001-06:00

Authentic
Blessed
Called
Dedicated
Enthusiastic
Faithful
Glass-Half-Full
Homebody
Imaginative
Joyous
Kind-hearted
Loving
Motivated
Natural
Observer
Peace Keeper
Quirky
Responsible
Sensitive
Traditional
Upright
Vivacious
Willing
eXcitable
Yearning
Zealous

When I was in middle school, the youth group did an ABC challenge. We sat in a circle and starting with "A" said a descriptive word about ourselves that started with the letter we landed on. I, of course, landed on "V" and could not for the life of me think of a word. Someone told me to say "voluptuous", so I did. Everyone burst out laughing. I had no idea why. I guess had I known the definition at the time I would have laughed too since I was the least voluptuous person in the whole world (and I still am). Since then I still love to do ABC challenges. Sometimes I'll do things I love about myself, or things I struggle with, or things that have changed about me. Even though I'm still not voluptuous, a lot of things really have changed since middle school. One major thing is that I no longer have my "Harry Potter" look (as my hubby so lovingly refers to it). Just to give you a mental picture, I had a bowl cut and big, round glasses. Yes, of all the things to say about myself, a word that conjured up an image of "desire" in the minds of others was as far as I could get from what people really thought about me. I'm so glad that I have grown out of that awkward phase, physically at least, and I am so glad that I am still growing. I praise God for the fact that I am constantly changing, constantly maturing, constantly learning.

Though the sorrow may last for the night, hope comes in the morning...

2012-01-23T08:28:00.002-06:00

Last night I was having one of those struggles that seems to reach into the depths of your soul. One of those struggles that seems to try to unwrap the binding God has placed on old wounds, that picks at the scabs of our almost healed heart, that pokes and prods and picks at all of our sore spots. The mistakes of the past mixed with the joy of the present and the hope of the future. It was one of those struggles that made me want to curl up in bed and not come out until it was over. One that made me want to just pray that it would go away, that it was just a bad dream. Praise God that as I woke up this morning I felt nothing but joy, nothing but peace, and nothing but hope. I woke up with this Psalm on my heart and on my lips. The Word of the Lord wrapped itself around me, covering me in truth and comfort. Sometimes it's almost silly how certain things can effect us, how they can make us feel so defeated. Sometimes I feel it's not even worth my time to dwell on it, but I cannot stop the flesh inside me from reacting so strongly. It is in those times when God binds, God heals, and God restores. So He will continue to work in me, to bring up in my life those things that are not complete, to comfort me in my weakness and show His strength.

Psalm 30

¹ I will exalt you, LORD,
for you lifted me out of the depths
and did not let my enemies gloat over me.
² LORD my God, I called to you for help,
and you healed me.
³ You, LORD, brought me up from the realm of the dead;
you spared me from going down to the pit.
⁴ Sing the praises of the LORD, you his faithful people;
praise his holy name.
⁵ For his anger lasts only a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime;
weeping may stay for the night,
but rejoicing comes in the morning.
⁶ When I felt secure, I said,
“I will never be shaken.”
⁷ LORD, when you favored me,
you made my royal mountain stand firm;
but when you hid your face,
I was dismayed.
⁸ To you, LORD, I called;
to the Lord I cried for mercy:
⁹ “What is gained if I am silenced,
if I go down to the pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it proclaim your faithfulness?
¹⁰ Hear, LORD, and be merciful to me;
LORD, be my help.”
¹¹ You turned my wailing into dancing;
you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,
¹² that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.
LORD my God, I will praise you forever.

Life is full of upside-downs and inside-outs

2012-01-22T22:07:00.004-06:00

Baby dedication Sunday. A day when we will present our family to the church, dedicate our children to the Lord, and ask our church family to join us in raising our family up in the way God has called us. It is a day that symbolizes the choice we made from Day 1 to give our children up to the Lord and to follow His will for our family. It has taken three years for us to find a date that works for baby dedication. We either had something scheduled, missed the deadline, or I had just had a baby the few times they have done it. This time we were free from commitments (and fresh babies) and we were able to register by the deadline! I was so excited, let all of our family and friends know, and very painstakingly picked out their life verses so everything would be a perfect representation of our feelings for giving them up to the Lord. But when we showed up for the preparation class who was there, but my ex-boyfriend and his wife...

I could just feel myself being tested, pulled in a thousand different directions, struggling to hold back the tears and the very literal vomit that I felt. In my heart, I pray that he truly is this man of God she described. I pray that the mistakes he made with me do not haunt him today, and I pray that he has a truly amazing relationship with his wife and his baby. But as we are sitting here talking about our children being raised together in our church, holding each other accountable as a church family, and the important role we all play in each other's lives I just wanted to run from the room, run from the church.

I'm not going to pretend that my feelings in this matter are godly. I'm not going to pretend that this is easy or that this makes sense. This is a very painful struggle. One that may very well be a test to see if I have truly forgiven, or one that is a test to see how much I can withstand. I don't know. All I know is that God knows. All I know is that I need to fall on my knees before the Lord for strength to make it through this. That, hopefully, this will be a success story to tell my children one day, and a warning that the things of our past do impact our future. But in that moment I couldn't see beyond the past, I couldn't see beyond the pain.

I can only pray that I will be able to share later an amazing victory that has come out of this. I pray that God will wrap His arms around my fragile heart and carry me through this time. If nothing else, this serves as a great reminder as to why it is God who is the leader of my family, a reminder as to why it is God who holds my children in His hands. Because I in my flesh am so very weak, and without His power I am an utter failure. If nothing else this is a reminder that life does happen, and that our mistakes have very real and very unforeseen consequences. If nothing else, this is a reminder of how to be truly godly, how to love those who have hurt us beyond what we can bear, how to show the love of Christ when we cannot love ourselves. If nothing else it is a reminder that life is never going to be perfect, that sometimes we just have to deal with the upside-downs and the inside-outs.

Aren't these moments of the drudged up past such a great reminder of forgiveness? I sit here struggling to hold his past actions against him, yet I pray that no one would ever hold my past actions against me. I truly have forgiven him, I truly have. I was told that one of the signs of true forgiveness is wishing the person who caused you harm the best. Being able to picture them and not wishing harm upon them. And I do, I do wish him happiness in his family, joy with his children, and I pray that he has grown up into a godly man. I do not want to still see him through my eyes of hurt. I need to see him through the filter of God's grace.

Our past does not determine our use in the future. We are all great reminders of this, and I am surely the greatest. If the actions of my past determined how well I would do in the future, I should give up now, but we do not give up because God does not give up on us. Our lives are a constant process of growing, changing, being molded into who He wants us to be. There are things in my past that would hold me back from even speaking in public if I let them. Why do we lavish grace upon ourselves for our past mistakes, but use these mistakes as shackles in the lives of others. We use them to hold these people back to keep them from growing. God forgive me for ever allowing past mistakes to cloud how I view a person today. God forgive me for praying that others forgive me of my mistakes, but not allowing myself to forgive them.

"I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live." Psalm 116:1-2

Breathe In, Breathe Out.

2012-01-20T13:00:00.001-06:00

This is a post to remind myself to just breathe. Just stop what I'm doing, close my eyes, and breathe. Be still. Breathe in, let God take the burdens, breathe out, go about my day. This is a post to remind myself to not measure life by successes and failures. Stop. Realize that what I see as a failure God could be using as a great success. Remember that my greatest success God could see as a failure. Never forget that God does not measure us by the things of this world, and we are called to follow His leading regardless of "results". This is a post to remind myself that He is faithful. I am equipped through Him. The hard times come, but I can't give in to the temptation to just walk away. I am called to deal with it, face it head on, to just do my best. This is a post to remind myself to enjoy the day. Open the curtains and just let the light shine in. Breathe in the beautiful fresh air and surround myself with His wonderful creation. Let the sun warm my face and the Son warm my heart. This is a post to remind myself to just breathe, to just be, to just do.

God VS. Man

2012-01-19T15:46:00.007-06:00

This morning, I posted about God's convictions on my life about reading Scripture rather than just reading man's view of Scripture. This afternoon, the affirmation and confirmation of that message was completed in my life! Amen! There has been a video going around Facebook. A video that has gotten a lot of Christians following it, saying they love it, sharing it with everyone. Honestly, until today I had not even watched the video. The video is entitled "Why I Hate Religion, but Love Jesus." Just based on the title I KNEW that it was completely un-Biblical. Just based on the title I knew that it had been written by someone who was against "established religion" probably because he had gotten his feelings hurt by someone who claimed to be a Christian or because he saw such hypocrisy in the church that it made him hate Christianity. If only Christians really understood the way "feel good" faith really hurts those who are not believers, how it actually pushes them away rather than brings them to a true relationship with Christ. If Christians who preach grace above all else really understood the path of destruction it really takes. Preaching grace as an excuse to continue with your lifestyle, preaching grace to escape the conviction on your life, and preaching grace to make a sinner feel good about themselves so they want to become "saved" leads to nothing but false teachings like the ones presented in this video. Yes, watching this video, it's like you almost want to force yourself to agree with him because it sounds so good...

...actually, as I watched it for the first time it made me sick to my stomach. It made me sick knowing how many people have seen this video and are passing it around as truth (oh, how the great deceiver must be loving this one), knowing how it's just close enough to come across as true, but it's just not close enough to actually be truth. Click here to see a review that breaks it down line by line and why it is just not Biblical fact that is presented in this video (please take the time to read it). This is just proof of the harm that can come from listening to man's word rather than the word of God. Proof of the harm in getting caught up in something that sounds good, something that we know others will like, rather than truly comparing it to Scripture before we choose to actually listen to it. Actually, the man in the video himself after reading the review that I linked to above responded. Here is what he had to say,

"I just wanted to say I really appreciate your article man. It hit me hard. I’ll even be honest and say I agree 100%. God has been working with me in the last 6 months on loving Jesus AND loving his church. For the first few years of walking with Jesus (started in ’08) I had a warped/poor paradigm of the church and it didn’t build up, unify, or glorify His wife (the Bride). If I can be brutally honest I didn’t think this video would get much over a couple thousand views maybe, and because of that, my points/theology wasn’t as air-tight as I would’ve liked. If I redid the video tomorrow, I’d keep the overall message, but would articulate, elaborate, and expand on the parts where my words and delivery were chosen poorly… My prayer is my generation would represent Christ faithfully and not swing to the other spectrum….thankful for your words and more importantly thankful for your tone and fatherly like grace on me as my elder. Humbled. Blessed. Thankful for painful growth. Blessings."

The writer of the review had some amazing things to say about this young man, and also about some things in our own personal lives here. I ask you to read that link as well! I have to say when it comes to this video (and everything else that circulates the social network) I'm right there with the author of these reviews when he says, "I like cool videos, but I prefer them to be true when it comes to doctrine." Amen. I hope the posts today have at least opened the door to the realization that a lot of the things we hear from man, although they may sound good, are just not Biblically accurate. And that, most of the time, we really do need to step back and actually search the Scriptures ourselves. Especially if we are going to be spreading someone else's words as Biblical truth. I'm sorry that this young man had to learn the hard way that no matter how many people are listening (or you expect to listen) you must ALWAYS make sure your theology is "air-tight". And, yes, I've made, and will make, these same mistakes, we all have. And, yes, there is grace to forgive us these mistakes. The problem is, grace does not cover the damage that this post has done to the Kingdom. The false information that it has led others to believe, the non-Christians that it actually pushed away due to the illogical statements of it all (just read the comments from non-believers about the video if you don't believe it pushed people away), the damage that it did to his own reputation when it comes to his future messages. Yes, grace does cover us when we make mistakes. Unfortunately, grace doesn't save us from the consequences our actions have on others.

For another VERY good link about this topic you can also go here! Here is a little snippet of that post,

"Religion equals self-righteousness, moral preening, and hypocrisy. Religion is all law and no gospel. If that’s religion, then Jesus is certainly against it.

But that’s not what religion is. We can say... that’s what is has become for some people or what we understand it to be. But words still matter and we shouldn’t just define them however we want. “Jesus hates religion” communicates something that “Jesus hates self-righteousness” doesn’t. To say that Jesus hates pride and hypocrisy is old news. To say he hates religion—now, that has a kick to it. People hear “religion” and think of rules, rituals, dogma, pastors, priests, institutions. People love Oprah and the Shack and “spiritual, not religious” bumper stickers because the mood of our country is one that wants God without the strictures that come with traditional Christianity. We love the Jesus that hates religion.

The only problem is, he didn’t. Jesus was a Jew. He went to services at the synagogue. He observed Jewish holy days. He did not come to abolish the Law or the Prophets, but to fulfill them (Matt. 5:17). He founded the church (Matt. 16:18). He established church discipline (Matt. 18:15-20). He instituted a ritual meal (Matt. 26:26-28). He told his disciples to baptize people and to teach others to obey everything he commanded (Matt. 28:19-20). He insisted that people believe in him and believe certain things about him (John 3:16-18; 8:24). If religion is characterized by doctrine, commands, rituals, and structure, then Jesus is not your go-to guy for hating religion."

This is where I am in my life...Bible Study...

2012-01-19T07:43:00.001-06:00

Lately, I've been feeling God's conviction...such a dreaded word...about my Bible studies. You may ask, what exactly would God convict me about when it comes to Bible studies? Yes, I was doing studies of the Bible, but even that can be done in a way that does not glorify God's will. It started out as just as a way to meet other women, for some time for the kids to play with other kids, for me to have some adult conversation. Then it turned into an easy way for me to have my daily quiet time. With daily lessons it was easy to get into the habit of my daily quiet time, it gave me something to look forward to, and it held me accountable since I had other people to talk to about it. It was great, but I started hearing God tell me, "You're not there yet." So I made sure I dug even deeper to the studies, making sure I read every Scripture that was listed with the text, made sure I did the study every day, and I was getting so much out of it. Yet again, "You're not there yet." So I began to pray why am I not there yet? What am I doing wrong? What do I need to do to get there?

A few months back some friends and I were talking, and one friend mentioned how excited people were when they handed out taped recordings of the Bible on a recent overseas trip. He told us how they would gather for hours to listen to the Word of God being read aloud to them. He said, "Maybe in church we need to just play the Scriptures aloud so that people will actually hear them, since they are not reading them." And I (well, I'm pretty sure it was God because I don't know why I would say anything like this) said, "Only if there's a Bible Study in there by Beth Moore or something. That's the only way they would even listen to Scripture." GASP. I know! I was just as surprised that it came out of my mouth as you are! I love Beth Moore, I love her studies and they bring me deeper into the Word. Why would I say that, especially about someone that I love so much, personally as well as professionally? Why would I say that about someone whom I quit my studies in college, prepared to leave family and friends, and was ready to begin my life in a completely different state, just to learn from her how to do what it is she does so many years ago? But, here I was, in a group of people, and I had just said that...out loud...yup, that's why it had to be God. The funny thing was, no one looked at me like I was as crazy as I felt for saying that. No one even acted like they heard anything as ground breaking as what I felt had just come out of my lips. A lot of them said, "You're exactly right." Then we continued with our conversation.

I'm pretty sure they didn't find it to be as earth-shattering of a confession as I did because they were not doing what I was doing. They were not depending on Beth Moore or other amazing, godly teachers to actually tell them what was in Scripture. They actually were reading the Bible on their own. They actually were studying Scriptures from their own perspective, not just a study on one aspect of certain Scriptures, they were actually asking God to reveal these things to them, and not for Beth Moore to reveal them. Don't get me wrong, Bible studies are great, but how do we study the Bible on our own without someone else telling us how to do it? Are we listening for God's revelation of Scriptures for us personally, or are we depending on what He has revealed to someone else to guide us? Am I studying God's word, or am I studying the word of someone else?

That led me to the place I came to last week. Feeling like I should maybe "give up" my Bible studies for 30 days and just purely study the scriptures. I felt like if I gave up my Bible studies then I would be totally dependant on the Bible, on God's voice to teach me, but I never had a peace about that thought. Like I've said in earlier posts, God speaks to us through peace, through affirmation, through confirmation. I just wasn't getting any of those things from this idea about a 30-day Bible study fast. I was confused if it was because I selfishly didn't want to give up my time with such wonderful friends, or if this idea, which could have so easily been something God was calling me to, was actually from the great deceiver. I decided to go to the new Bible study we started at church for our mom's group since I just wasn't feeling a continuous call from God on the 30-day fast. It is on James, so I figured that since it was focusing on a particular book of the Bible that would at least allow me to study the Bible rather than just doing a topical Bible study. But I soon learned that God would use this Bible study, and ironically enough Beth Moore herself, to fulfill this call to study the Bible itself.

Not to even get into all of the details the past several months that have been pointing me in the direction of studying Scripture, of committing it to memory, of digging so much deeper than I ever imagined, here is what is going on in the new Bible study we are working on that just brings to a conclusion all of the convictions God has been laying on my heart. The absolute most exciting thing about this Bible study is that my mommy friends all over the country have begun this study within a week or two of each other. To have women collectively studying and digging deeply into the word of God, and to be studying the same book of the Bible at the same time, I cannot even begin to imagine the party that is going on in Heaven and the anger that is going on in the heart of the deceiver. Not to mention the idea that women everywhere will be coming together to actually memorize an entire book of the Bible, it just gives me goosebumps. God has been calling me to something beyond just a Bible study and daily "homework" assignments. He's been calling me to dig into the Word and to memorize Scriptures, so imagine how shocked I was when we began discussing this new study and I learned that that was exactly what we would be doing! Of course it starts off like most of the studies we've done. It has the video of the teaching and the daily homework assignments. God does know me well enough to know that I need that for my daily discipline, and I believe Satan knows me well enough to know that if he was able to pull me away from this study that I would have fallen into a pit of despair and loneliness trying to study the scriptures on my own with no accountability (I'm so glad that I was able to recognize that God's hand was not in the doubts I had begun to have about this Bible study). But beyond the teachings and the daily accountability it goes deeper, and exactly into the areas I felt God leading me to.

After the videos and daily studies, is handwriting the book of James. That is something I had done as a child and throughout college. It is also something I have strayed from since having children because I got busy and once I started my studies I didn't even think of writing out more than the occasional verse. What a great reminder God has given me to continue to do the things that are so important to my walk, to continue through each new phase of my life, and to continue to diligently seek Him. In this study we are also given the opportunity to memorize the entire book of James as we study. What an amazing culmination of the convictions of God. And to participate in this with women that I love and who will hold me accountable is the greatest joy in all of this. I am so excited about this new study and I can't wait to continue this journey with such amazing, godly women who have supported me, guided me, and encouraged me through everything. But God's conviction about my studies (notice I said studies) did lead me to the place of having to leave one study. This study is leading me exactly where God wants me to be, whereas another study was leading me farther and farther away. It may sound odd to say that a Bible study would actually lead you away from God, but that is exactly what can happen, and it can happen for so many reasons.

I encourage you to really evaluate where your studies are leading you. What are you learning from them? Are you growing not just in your relationships with others, but growing in your relationship with God? When you finish your study can you sit back, look back on where you were before you started, and see God's handing guiding and directing you through it? And most importantly, where does your study line up with Scripture? Is it more the words of man (or woman) than the actual word of God?

Good Morning, Sunshine!

2012-01-17T10:05:00.002-06:00

My number one goal as a mom is to inspire my kids, to make lasting memories with them, and to make sure that they enjoy life. But I realized this morning that sometimes I get so caught up in making plans that I miss the little moments. In fact, not five minutes ago, I was checking emails and saw the schedule from one of my mom's groups. It had our playdate schedule attached and it was scheduled until May. I had to stop for a minute. I had to stop when I looked at this schedule with dates for four months from now. I had to stop because I couldn't even imagine what we will be doing in four months, what my kids will even like to do, four months seemed like a lifetime. It struck me that so much can happen in four months because just this morning, as I was waking up, I looked around and couldn't even believe the change that has happened in the past few months.

I woke up at 6:30 to my beautiful two year old cuddling up next to me asking me for blankets. I tried to move the blanket and when it didn't move I realized my three year old was sleeping on top of it. My six month old started wiggling in my arms trying to find the pacifier that had fallen out of his mouth sometime during the night. It was right then that I just had to stop and enjoy the moment. I watched as my beautiful babies slept, watched as their beautiful long eye lashes started to flutter when they were dreaming, and my heart was so full. When they woke up we played "I Spy" (yup, right there in the bed), then we played a game while we made breakfast (eating things that only started with the letter "G"), and as I put them in the tub to give them a bath my six month old joined them in the big tub (sitting up by himself, splashing his little heart out, and laughing right along with them). When did this happen? When did they get this old where I can do things like play "I Spy" and alphabet games and I have three littles in the tub pretending to swim?

I really needed that this morning, especially when I checked my email and saw the playdate list. My morning was just a little reminder that it doesn't take a playdate to have fun with your babies, just play. You don't have to do anything to make them grow up, they do that all on their own. Sometimes when you're so busy planning, so busy rushing out of the house to get to the scheduled playdate, you miss out on the moments that fill your heart. So, yes, we will go to play dates, but we don't have to make every single one. We will plan our activities, but sometimes we will do something different. I will keep a schedule, but enjoy the days when it doesn't go exactly as planned. And I won't miss out on these beautiful, wonderful, heart-filling moments while my babies grow up.

I don't want to do anything today...let's just be lazy!

The Sweetest Thing

2012-01-15T18:58:00.001-06:00

Me and my bubba right before
he left for the Marines.
This was right before baby #1 was born

My Bubba is one of the most important people in my life. We had a strange childhood, rough at best. People always comment about how close we are as siblings, but if you have a father who's easily prone to anger and a mentally ill mother I guess as a child you have no choice but to band together. I absolutely love my parents, and I am very close to them now, but I just can't pretend that it was an ideal childhood. The great thing that came out of it was learning how to grant true forgiveness, learning that people really can change, learning the art of caring for someone who can't care for themself, learning about what it really means to be there in sickness and in health and for better or for worse. On the new facebook timeline I was looking back when I first joined. It was neat to look back through the years, even neater when I found a post from 2007 about my brother that I figured I would share. This is a story about the first time he had to leave us and we were unable to contact him.

My brother left for the Marines on Sunday. We've always been so close, and he's always acted more like an older brother rather than acting like the little one. I remember when I went to watch him speak in chapel about everything we've been through with our family. He started crying before he could even talk, so I ran up onstage and pulled him off and just hugged him. I remember his teacher telling me that my little brother talked about me all the time and he could tell he just really loved me. My favorite memory is when I had a dream that he died, so I ran into his room just to make sure he was breathing. He told me to lay down and said he would stay awake all night and hold me so I knew he was still alive and could feel him breathing (even though he fell asleep in like 2 seconds). I've never felt closer to him than when I found out I was pregnant. He's so excited about being an uncle. He would call or come by to check on me every day, but now I can't even text him just to say hello. Today when I got back home Rob handed me a letter from some man in South Carolina. I had no clue who it could be so I opened it and saw a $5 bill. Out fell a tiny torn off piece of paper that said, "Take this off my hands for me, it's for the baby. I love y'all" It had our address on the back which I thought was weird. So I opened up the big yellow piece of paper that was also in there and found another note from someone I didn't know. It said, "I sat next to your brother on the plane from Dallas to Savannah. He wanted his new nephew to have this $5. Your brother is doing a wonderful thing serving for his country."

My Bubba met my son when he was 2 months old. He was so upset over missing the birth that he got a tattoo on his bicep representing all of the things he felt he would have to miss because of his commitment to the Marines. I had never seen a tattoo more beautiful. He has missed the birth of my other 2 because of deployments and he now has a beautiful daughter, whom he was not even able to meet until she was 4 months old. He was definitely right when he said he was going to miss things. He's not the same little boy who was my brother. He is now a man who has seen, experienced, and done more than I will ever know. He is different, but I will still always be his big sister who cherishes him and who is more than willing to pull him in my arms and just hug him whenever things get just a little too hard.

A Call to Sing

2012-01-13T11:42:00.003-06:00

Continuing on the journey about "me", I want to share one of my greatest passions. One that has nothing to do with the wife and mother in me, and one that has everything to do with the God who lives in me. Worship through music. It can literally change your entire perspective. It can make a sad spirit happy, an overwhelmed heart peaceful, and a hurting body refreshed. As a worship leader, music may be more a part of my life than most, so I'm sorry if some days it seems like I'm just taking the easy way out by posting music. It's just that, for me, music reveals so much of where my heart is at that moment. It's like the saying, "The eyes are the window to your soul," well, music is the window to my soul. I've been singing my entire life and a worship leader since high school. Leading at school, conventions, our church youth group. It was a dream, the opportunities that I had, the travel I got to do, and the people I got to meet. It's been a great aspect of my life, one of the greatest callings. To bring others into the presence of God, to be able to be so transparent, to be a part of such a personal aspect of someone else's relationship with God. To watch the faces as they cry out to God, to see the hands raised higher and higher as they try to get closer and closer to God, to see the tears as people receive forgiveness, peace, and joy that they know they do not deserve. There are times I have to just stop and bask myself in the presence of the Lord. In those times, getting just the tiniest glimpse into what Heaven will be like when all believers gather with the angels around the throne of God and cry out "Holy, Holy, Holy."

The greatest thing about worship is that it has absolutely nothing to do with you because it is 100% about God. Psalm 100 A psalm for giving grateful praise.¹ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth. ² Worship the LORD with gladness; come before him with joyful songs. ³ Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his we are his people, the sheep of his pasture. ⁴ Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name. ⁵ For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations. No matter what your day has been like, God is still God and He is worthy of our praise. There is never any reason not to worship God. He has granted us everything we have in our lives (James 1:17), He has provided us access to Him (John 3:16, 1 Peter 3:18, Psalm 23:6)

It is about sincerity. If my heart does not desire Him, does not desire to worship Him, does not desire to fellowship with Him, then it's just not going to happen. Leading on Sundays for me is a reflection of my worship life throughout the week. Worship reflects where our heart is at the moment, there is no hiding our emotions. It is about welcoming the presence of the Lord, wherever you might be. Psalm 42 For the director of music. A maskil of the Sons of Korah. ¹ As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. ² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? ³ My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long, “Where is your God?” ⁴ These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God under the protection of the Mighty One with shouts of joy and praise among the festive throng. ⁵ Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God...If you have a minute to read through and reflect on the entire chapter of Psalm 42 please do. Even the spiritual giants in the Bible, like David, felt and understood those moments when we feel so far from God.

I know it's not technically "leading worship" when it's on a blog, but here is my attempt. Join me in a song as I cry out to God...my heart's cry to Him! God, some times, most times, things are just too hard for us. We praise you and we thank you that You ARE and that You WILL. We ask you, God, to reveal Yourself to us in these moments, to wrap us in Your protection, to cover us in Your peace. What little we have left of our broken lives, we offer it up to You, God, to do with what You will...

"You're My Best Friend, Mommy"...

2012-01-12T23:09:00.002-06:00

...Nothing melts my heart more than when my son grabs my face so that I look him in the eyes when he utters those beautiful words. There is a trend of being your children's "best friend". It is about not disciplining them too much because you don't want to alienate them, about acting like their friend so they will "trust" you, about being the "cool" parents. I grew up around a lot of those parents, and trust me it did not lead to a strong relationship, it led to children being completely in control of every decision. I also grew up around parents (my own) who were convinced that being my "friend" was the opposite of what they should be, and that led to me making no decisions at all. So, here's where I stand, I want my child to tell me "You're my best friend," but I want ours to be a true friendship, not a fake one. I want to discipline my children out of love, not anger, and I think I'm heading in the right direction because many of the times my son grabs my face and tells me that I am his "best friend" is after I have had a good chat about what he is doing wrong. I want my kids to trust me, but not because I have faked them into it. I want them to trust me because from the very beginning I have been honest and open with them and told them they can be honest and open with me. I want to be the "cool" mom, but not because I'm the one providing the beer and buying the skimpy outfits. I want to be the "cool" mom because I teach my kids what being cool really is all about. And, yes, I want to be their "best friend" because there is no one else who will have their best interests at heart or who will desire to see them achieve more than I do. I want to be their biggest encourager, a shoulder to cry on, their greatest confidant. That is what being a best friend is all about.

We camped out for 24 hours at the
Chick-fil-A grand opening. Every time
we pass it my kids shout, "That's where
we camped for the first time ever!"
They still talk about everything we did
that day, and I will never forget.

I want to be their best friend now because I want them to be my best friend later. They will only be my children for so long, then they will have to be my friends or I won't have them in my life anymore. From the very beginning I have always tried to include my babies in everything. I get a lot of comments like, "They aren't going to remember it anyway," or, "You don't have to do everything with them." No, they may not remember it later, but they remember it now, and they feel it now, and it shapes who and what they are, and it shapes who and what they think I am. No, I don't have to do everything with them, but I want to. I honestly, truly, 100% want to. And my question is, if I don't do it with them now, then when do I do it? When will they be old enough? When will it be ok? When they are teenagers and I'm begging them to talk to me? I want them to talk to me now. When they are moms and dads and I want them to trust my advice? I want them to trust me now. So, yes, I will be their best friend now. And, hopefully, when they grow taller than me, and more successful than me, they will still look me in the eyes and tell me, "You were always my best friend mommy."

Patience is a Virtue...but is it one of mine?

2012-01-10T22:26:00.000-06:00

Have you ever been told not to pray for patience? I have, and I know it's because patience is just not a very fun thing to have to practice. It usually requires going through some pretty hard things to get to the point where you truly are patient. Well, here I am going through a trial of patience and I didn't even pray for it. I am actually a very patient person. Sitting in traffic for 2 hours? No big deal, I'll catch up on the news. Waiting in the doctor's office for 3 hours while she delivers a baby or two? Finally, some peace and quiet to read a book without the kids interrupting. My husband doesn't have a job? Oh, well I will wait on the Lord because He will provide. I am realizing that I'm not as patient as I thought. I'm just selfishly patient. I'm mostly patient when it's convenient to be patient.

When I'm in the middle of something and my babies keep interrupting me I'm not patient. When I'm sitting here in constant pain, still waiting for test results to come in and getting no answers I'm not patient. When I ask my dear, sweet hubby to make me a sandwich and it takes just a little too long I am not patient. I. AM. NOT. PATIENT. I. AM. NOT. PATIENT. I. AM. NOT. PATIENT. Oh, I may still have more patience than most people, but I am not perfectly patient in every situation. And patience has been becoming a lot easier in the past few years with the situations we have dealt with, but I am obviously just not there yet. Yes, I'm a pretty patient person, but I do still have work to do. So this requires God to bring me through trials, to refine me, to bring to the surface my weakness so He can remove it from me. I am not always patient, and God is bringing to my attention the times that I am not patient and that I am not patient in Him. And He is bringing to my attention the reasons why I am only "sefishly" patient.

I am patient when the situation is so far beyond my control that there is nothing I can do, I am forced to be patient. But I am not patient when I feel there is something I should be able to handle myself. I am not patient because I am still trying to be in control. I am patient when it is in my best interests to be patient. Some peace and quiet, time to do something for myself, of course I can be patient then, but I am not patient when it is uncomfortable. I am not patient when it is something that I feel needs to be done now. I am not patient because I am selfish. I am patient when I can see the bigger picture, but sometimes there is no bigger picture. I cannot be patient when I am taking two steps back every time I'm trying to move forward. I'm not patient because I am not perfectly trusting. Nope, I am honestly not very patient at all, and I obviously have work to do in some other areas as well.

God, I know they say, "never to pray for patience," but you desire that of me. I know that it may mean trials, even more than what I face now, but if that's what it takes to make me patient then I am willing. I may not be ready, but I am willing. God, grant me patience by removing in me my need for control, my selfishness, my lack of trust in you. Bring to the surface all of my impurities and wipe them away. Make me as pure as gold refined in the fire, and bring me to perfection in You. Amen.

The Great Deceiver

2012-01-09T14:22:00.001-06:00

Tonight, as I was reading my babies their bedtime story, I suddenly remembered a status one of my friends had put up on facebook about the fall of man. It all started with a fable. Here's a recap of the story of "The Gingerbread Man"...

An old woman bakes a gingerbread man cookie. She lovingly gives him eyes, a mouth, a nose, and little buttons. She bakes him until he is perfectly done, but when she opens the door to the oven he jumps out and runs away. As he is running, he arrogantly cries out at everyone who tries to catch him, "Run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread man." Finally, he comes to a river, something he knows he can't cross himself. A hungry fox is lying in wait, and offers to help the gingerbread man. He says, "Climb onto my tail and I will swim you across," so the gingerbread man does. But the water is getting too deep, so he says, "Climb onto my back and I will swim you across," so the gingerbread man climbs to the safety of the fox's back. The water begins to get even deeper, so the fox tells the gingerbread man, "Climb onto my nose and I will swim you across." Thinking he is safe, the gingerbread man does as he is told. They safely reach the other side of the river, but once they get there the fox very easily gobbles up the gingerbread man because he was right where the fox wanted him. And as the story said, "That was the end of the gingerbread man."

You probably see where I'm going with this. The old woman representing God, our loving creator, the gingerbread man is us, arrogantly running from Him to control our own lives, and the wolf representing the great deceiver himself. I love this story because it represents exactly how it is that Satan works. He is not the little devil sitting on our shoulder while the angel is on the other. "If Satan can trap and deceive our parents that walked in perfection, Adam and Eve, what makes you think he can't trap and ensnare us?" And we are not even going to get into how he had deceived the other angels who were cast from Heaven with him before man was even created. Let's just take a minute to let that settle in. Take a minute to really turn it over in your mind, in your heart, let it's words do a work in your life. When I first read this I thought, wow, I never thought about it that way before, then it began to speak to me in many different ways. How many times, when we are walking spiritually with God do we feel "protected"? Yet, Adam and Eve walked physically with our Creator, they spoke with Him face-to-face. They were still deceived by Satan. They had spiritual perfection, a sinless, physical relationship with God. Exactly what God designed us for. And yet, when Satan came to Eve she did not recognize his deception. And here we are, sinful, separated from God, surrounded by false teachings in our churches, surrounded by Christians living everything but a Christian life, but certainly we are smarter than Satan. Aren't we? Satan was able to turn angels and God's own perfect, sinless creation against God. Where do you think we fit into all of this? Are we beyond the deception of the Great Deceiver? Do we recognize the things that Satan has gotten his hands into? "Be smart, recognize the bait and the hidden hook. Renew your minds..."You can read through the Fall of Man in Genesis 3:1-24. The thing that strikes me most about Satan's deception of Eve was how he used God. “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it (NIV) God created food for us, to nourish us, for our enjoyment. And, surely, He wants us to be like Him? Right? Do you know what the Scriptures say for every aspect of your life? Not just what you have been taught. Do you know what they truly say? Do you know what God's will is for your life? Not just what you feel. Do you know what His will actually is?Would you be able to recognize Satan if he came to you, not in darkness, but as an imitator of the light?

Ephesians 6:10-18
¹⁰ Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. ¹⁴ Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, ¹⁵ and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. ¹⁶ In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. ¹⁷ Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
¹⁸ And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.

I Will Wait On You

2012-01-08T20:30:00.001-06:00

Those who know me, know this has been a month of waiting for me. After 30 days of constant pain, bouts of paralysis, extreme headaches, not even being able to get out of bed most days, searching for answers and not getting any, many hospitalizations and doctors appointments. Now here I am on day 9 of waiting for test results, still not being able to use my hands completely, feeling myself on the verge of another flair up of whatever has been going on, I just want to scream. And, in fact, I will scream. I will scream out on the top of my lungs that I will wait on the Lord. Just in case He needs to be reminded that I'm waiting, and that I will continue waiting. That no matter what is going on I will find my hope in Him. If you live near me, don't be alarmed if you hear the echos of this song bouncing off of the trees...

Isaiah 40:28-35

²⁸ Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary,

and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary

and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,

and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope in the LORD

will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

What I Want My Kids to Learn from Me...Marriage

2012-01-06T13:45:00.000-06:00

There's a reason the words are in this order...
Live, Laugh, Love

Never underestimate how hard marriage is. Yes, there are a lot of good times, but even those only come from the work that you put into the bad times. You know how you feel about your brother and sister some days? You will have those same feelings about your spouse too. They are in your space, they know too much about you, you have to compromise when you don't want to. That's why it is so important for you to learn now how to play with others. Make sure you marry your best friend, and make sure you play together every day. Learn how to be a team, to work together, to laugh at yourself and each other. It makes the hard times easier, and it makes you want to keep trying to get through them. Romance comes and goes, but friendship will last throughout the good times and the bad. It gives you someone to live your life with and to enjoy the little, everyday moments that seem so mundane. If you marry your best friend, you don't need a date night to connect with your spouse. If you marry your best friend, you will reconnect through every situation every single day. If you marry your best friend, life is fun and your family time is a party. Never underestimate the value of marrying your friend!

We sat in the stork, and 9 months later Maddox joined our family...
maybe there's more to the story than meets the eye

Don't try to plan out your lifestory, just live it while it happens. The most enjoyable moments in marriage are the ones that are unexpected. If you are busy trying to live your life by the bullet points you have set, you will miss out on what life really has in store for you. Be flexible, be willing to change your plans at a moments notice, and learn to go with the flow. Remember that you are not perfect, but never stop striving to be your best. The greatest freedom is learning to give up what you want in your life and allowing God to take control. Allow God to take your marriage and turn it into what he has planned. Allow Him to make the big decisions for you, and trust Him with it. He knows you better than you know yourself, and He wants great and wonderful things to come from your life. Don't settle for a marriage that the world sees as great, strive for a marriage that God sees as amazing. If you think God will do wonderful things with you, just imagine what He can do with the partnership you have formed with another person!

Every July 4, we go to a game together.
Marrying a baseball player, I rarely get to enjoy the game WITH him.
It's nice to connect doing something he loves and I love supporting!

Enrich your life together with traditions. There is nothing more important than forming lasting memories together. Make traditions that bring you closer together, give you time to get to know eachother better, and, most importantly, have fun. I hope that as I strive to form traditions with you, that you will enjoy them so much you want to use them with your own family. But never forget to make your own traditions. The traditions I make for us are important to me, so go ahead and make some traditions that are important to you. And if you could pass along my name, so I become the cool great-great grandma B, I'd appreciate it!

There's no better way to see the beauty of God's creation
than to enjoy it with the one He created for you to enjoy it with.

There's not one perfect person for everyone, until you're married. Don't ever settle for less than what you desire, but don't waste your life searching for the "perfect" person. No one is perfect, and even those who you think are, you will soon learn that they are not. When you find someone worthy to spend your life with and make the committment to each other, then that is when God's seal is placed on your life together, this is when they become "The One". When you make the vow to remain with each other for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness, and in health, so long as you both shall live, mean it. It's not just words, and from that moment on, no matter what, you are meant to be together. Divorce is not an option. The hard times will come, but fight through them as if your life depends on it...because it does. And when you make it through, because if you both fight for it you will make it, you will be better together than you were before. Do not ever doubt the power God has to transform your marriage, I have seen it first hand. Do not ever doubt if this is the person you are meant to be with. There are no "what-ifs" or "if it were so-and-so" there is only now. You made the choice, so stick by it and do not back out, ever.

Nothing will prove how great of a team you really are than
children. Nothing will make you as strong of a couple as dedicating
yourselves to the common goal of raising a family together.

And if you are as lucky as we were, and God blesses you with children, dedicate your life to them. Recognize the fullness children bring to your family, how they bind you together, how they make you an even stronger team than you were before. I never even knew what true love was, until God gave you to us. Children change your entire life. They make the trials worth it, the future seems brighter, and they will reveal the nature of God to you more than you could ever imagine. Marriage is just the beginning, family is what happens when the dreams of marriage come to fruition. It may be hard, and it may not come easily, but it will be the most important thing you will ever do with your life if you chose to give your family over to God and dedicate your life to making that happen. Follow God's will for your family, for your children, and you will have the greatest impact on the world any person could ever have!

The 90th Day

2012-01-05T13:24:00.001-06:00

It has been 90 days since I published my first post. 90 crazy days that included 50 days of harassment for my beliefs, 30 days of constant physical pain, 10 very hard things, and 1 call to do something entirely beyond myself. Here is an excerpt from the book I am writing to chronicle this experience, a call to write that I felt on day 60 of this journey,

"I guess I should have known from Day 1. That was the day I actually published my first post, the day I began getting harassed for my beliefs, the day I realized this wasn’t going to go the way I thought it would. That day changed my life in a very real and unexpected way. That day I wanted to shut down the blog before it even began, to just give in, to take the easy way out. Why I actually didn’t, I can’t say for sure. Hope maybe? But the lessons I learned those first few days, from a group of angry, misguided strangers, set the tone for the rest of my posts, and it was the opposite of what they wanted. But I know that it was exactly where God wanted me to be, and I know now He used them to do it. I should have known right then that there would be more to this journey than I ever imagined."

How I should have known... The truth is, what I have been going through these past 90 days is just the beginning of this journey. Have you ever felt like God was leading you somewhere? Has it ever been somewhere you were afraid to go? I should have known that very first day. Although, I guess that's one of the mysteries of how God operates. If I would have known, would I have even attempted this blog in the first place? Probably not. And I would still be in the same place I was 90 days ago. A place of comfort in my beliefs, a place of routine, a place that was bound to lead me to where I am now except I wouldn't have the great benefit of the things I have learned along the way with this blog. I knew from the beginning that this blog was more for me than anyone else, I just didn’t realize how much more. It was God’s way of speaking to me, leading me where He needed me to be and being able to use these things the way that He had purposed. I will continue to follow Him where He wants me to go…no matter how hard it may get…

Prayer from an aching heart

2012-01-04T23:19:00.000-06:00

OH GOD
The emptiness that the world leaves us is sometimes unbearable.
We try to be strong and to make it through intact, but the wounds, the scars, the brokenness that gets left behind is just a constant reminder of how weak we truly are.

God, we want to believe this world will be easy, or at the very least manageable.

We pray that the joy we feel in you would help us overcome all things.

But sometimes it is just too much. Too much loss, too much pain, too much loneliness.

Too much for me to carry, too much for me to understand, too much for me to want to take upon myself.

God, YOU DO IT. Do it all, carry it all, understand it all for me, TAKE IT ALL.

Bind these wounds that they may heal. Remove my scars. Stop the bleeding in my aching heart.

Lord, cover me, heal me, LOVE ME.

Catch my tears in your open hands, stop the shaking in my restless spirit, speak quietly to me.

Let me feel you, draw close to me as I seek after You, cover me in your strength, complete yourself in my weakness.

Let me be a light shining in the darkness. Let that light burn brighter in the troubled times.

At the end, when looking back on my life, allow me to be able to look back in pride that I was able to handle myself with grace and dignity. God allow me to see only You when I look back on myself.

We praise you for the storm, we love you for the trying times, we seek you in the darkness.

Help us through, WE FOLLOW YOU COME WHAT MAY.

When You Wish Upon A Star...

2012-01-04T01:48:00.000-06:00

...makes no difference who you are. Anything your heart desires will come to you. I can't help but sing this song when I think of my journey. I can't help but think of all those times I was, in effect, wishing on a star to try to get my wish granted. I was wishing on a star, rather than praying to God to guide me where He wanted me to go. I tried for so long to find my niche, to fulfill my calling. It has taken many failures, many successes, many, many bumps in the road for me to realize that there is no such thing as a "niche" when it comes to ministry. I guess I should have figured it out logically a long time ago. If God doesn't fit into a box, how could I expect my life to? If God works in ways beyond our comprehension, why would I believe that the path would be perfectly laid out and clear for me to see? Every one's calling is different, because every person is different. The comparison between one ministry, one calling, and another is completely invalid. God is God no matter what I am doing for Him, and every single thing I do, whether success or failure, is all done through His plan and His purpose and not of my own.

God calls me to do whatever I can for Him, wherever I am, whenever it is required. A missionary serving a lost people group, a teacher working with at-risk children, a youth minister, a mother. Large groups, small groups, no groups at all. There is a calling in each thing we do. Jesus didn't live his life confined by the box of ministry. In fact, I would argue that He didn't really have a "ministry" at all. He just had a life. He did what He was called to do wherever He went no matter what others thought about it. He lived His life regardless of the numbers of His followers, the reactions of others, or expectations of the church at that time. He lived the way He lived not because of anyone else, and because of it others were changed. Isn't that the ultimate call on our life, to just live? To live with such passion, such purpose, such perspective that others cannot help but notice? So, here I am. I am continuing on this journey to unknown places. Just within a span of three months I have learned this journey is not going to go where I expected it. I'm certainly not naive enough to believe it will change course and begin heading in that direction anytime soon. So I will continue to move where I am led, although this time I will follow the Son rather than chasing after the stars.

I'm Not Perfect...Thus I Blog...

2012-01-03T05:55:00.004-06:00

I mean, I think that is rather obvious don't you! There is nothing about me that is "super" and there is nothing that I do that you can't do yourself. This blog is really more of a "personal journal" that I hoped God would use to encourage women. I say it's a personal journal because every post, every verse, every topic is all about me and where I am. My struggles, my successes, what God has spoken to me. I still have to act on everything I write. Just because I know it's the truth and I know it's what's right, doesn't mean I always do it either. But one thing I've learned these past few years, and especially these past few months, is how God can use my imperfections for His glory. Here's a little overview of what God has actually taught me through my own blog, or, rather, what He has taught me because I made the decision to be obedient to Him when I started this blog and was willing to share His message instead of my own.

I was going to share the regular stuff. My family, breastfeeding information, activities for the kids. Usual, "boring" stuff. I wrote up a few posts, including one that dealt with the Bible Study I was in (Beth Moore's Fruits of the Spirit study) and shared it with some friends. They thought it was great, so I decided to go ahead and post it, figuring maybe, maybe, 50 people would read it. I started with the post about my Bible Study. Let's just say the reaction was less than welcoming. The details are not important, but it got very, very messy. Add to that I was silently dealing with a miscarriage while trying to take care of a three month old and two toddlers. I thought I had made a mistake, bitten off more than I could chew, strayed from the "purpose" God had called me to. But in the midst of it all God spoke. In the middle of the storm, God came to me and held me. He didn't calm the storm (in fact, it raged for months, and has only recently calmed to a light drizzle), but He calmed me, and He used this trial to teach me more about myself, more about my ministry, more about others than ever before. So now, even though my blog isn't full of the information I thought it would be, even though it isn't as "fun" or as "me", I realized that God wanted to do something even better with it. Even if at the time it didn't feel like it was what was better for me. I don't know if I would have learned these things about myself if I had stuck to my original plans for the blog. I would not have met the amazing women that I have in the process and received such encouragement from them. I would not have learned who my true friends are. I wouldn't have discovered so much about my own personal beliefs. I know for a fact that I would not have been able to touch so many people's lives with my posts. But God can...and He did...

I have most recently learned not to compare myself to others. That my worth is not dependant on how it relates to someone else's greatness or how I am viewed by others. Which is really great because I fail every day in so many different areas. I can do a lot of things, but I can't do it all. And those areas that I struggle in can so easily become stumbling blocks for me. Luckily I can take my struggles and turn them into encouragement. I am messy (seriously, take a look at the before picture!) I struggle with being a good wife, I struggle with being gentle, I have my own mommy confessions. I have a hard time saying yes to my kids. I live a not-so-perfect life. But I can also overcome the mess, I can work on using gentleness, I can be a YES mom. I know it sounds so easy when I put it that way, but it is a daily journey becoming who it is that God has called me to be, the good thing is I can do it. The good thing is I am made perfect in Christ and God is working me towards that perfection every single day.

I know, there are a TON of links in this post (click on the red wording to open a link related to that phrase)! I don't expect you to be able to read all of them (although I wish you would). Just think of this as my year in review! I wanted to make sure I put the links in to make sure you knew exactly what I was talking about. Hopefully, you can get to know me a little better. To be able to see my heart. I pray that God reveals and works in you the same as He did in me through this blog so far! So, let's continue our journey together as I take a little glimpse into the future...

My Journey: Our Engagement

2012-01-01T05:29:00.001-06:00

Praise God we made it to a new year (well, hopefully, since I'm writing this in early December and I guess there's still no guarantees)! BUT if we are reading this we made it to a new year! Our engagement story was not glamorous like I had always pictured it (I may have watched one too many cheesy 90's love stories, but I refuse to admit it), and it took several conversations with my hubby to really get him to share all the details about why he proposed the way he did. But, when I look back, it was perfect. It was cute and thoughtful and personal, just what a proposal should be. It was a perfect representation of who my husband is, and what he wanted our life together to be about. And, well, it reminds me where we were in our relationship at the time and how far we've come when I think about it. Plus, I got a pretty gorgeous man (and ring) out of the deal...

We had gone shopping for rings several months before. I am not one of those people who likes to be surprised. In fact, I kind of loathe it (I know, it's another weird thing that I don't understand about myself and I'm working on...) Luckily, my hubby knows me well enough to know that the ring is not something that he should pick out by himself. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved the meaning behind whatever ring he picked out, but, well, maybe I had read too many bridal magazines or something and I already had some pretty solid ideas about what I wanted. Honestly, shopping for the ring together was almost as special to me as the proposal itself (and not even because of the actual ring). I loved the look on his face while we looked for rings together, the shock he got a few times when they brought out a ring that was a "little" too extravagant, and the pride in his eyes when he told the jewelers why we were there. It was the first big decision we made together. It was a special time for us to spend together. And those of you who actually like surprises will appreciate the fact that my hubby didn't give in to me 100%, he still had to surprise me a little bit (it's all about compromise right). He made me pick two rings that I loved then he went back later and picked out which one he wanted. This drove me nuts because even though I picked out two I really only liked one of them! I would even dream about one particular ring, and it drove me nuts not knowing if that was the one he picked. I couldn't ever bring myself to tell him that I loved that one so much more just in case he picked the other one!

Since we went shopping for rings together, I knew it was coming. Maybe the only downside to shopping together that he hadn't considered was the fact that it took him a little too long after that to actually propose. After Christmas, when he didn't propose, I had convinced myself that he had changed his mind since it had been a couple of months. One night after enjoying a night out we sat in his parents drive-way while I cried and asked him if he still loved me (thank goodness I am a more confident, patient person than I was then!) He gave me the most beautiful speech about how much he loved me, what I meant to him, and how he wanted to spend his life with me, but I just needed to wait. I later found out that this was the speech he had prepared for the proposal and if I had just waited a couple of days he would have been able to say it under "more pleasant" circumstances, but, well, that's the way real life works out sometimes. Sometimes it's not as neat and tidy as you see it in the movies. On New Year's Day at dinner with my family he proposed to me. While he was talking my sister's boyfriend's mom screamed and hollered with excitement the whole time, I was actually looking at my sister asking her, "Is he really doing this," and my brother had gone to the bathroom and missed the whole thing. Again, messy, not perfect, and actually pretty funny. I still tease him about not getting on his knee, and he says it's a good thing he got to tell me his speech earlier since I wouldn't have heard it anyway if he had used it during the actual proposal.

The great thing about our proposal was how real it was. We are not super romantic, mushy people. When we try we just end up laughing about it because it feels so cheesy and unnatural. We are not extravagant. We are simple home-bodies who enjoy spending time first and foremost with our families. And that's exactly what the proposal was about. He proposed on New Year's Day because he wanted it to represent a "new start" to our life together. He did it surrounded by family because he wanted me to know how important it was that they were a part of it. AND he actually picked the perfect ring!!! Although, that surprise was ruined the same day he proposed because right before the big moment I went to check his truck to get something and found the receipt (I promise I was not purposefully looking for it!) Since the rings were from two different jewelers I knew which one he picked, and I pretty much figured out he would probably be proposing that day. But, again, that part of the story is just so us, since I really do hate surprises.

Looking back I learn a lot about myself through our engagement story. A lot about expectations, about my own personal flaws, about our relationship. I can see where we were (my own immaturity at times) where we are now (some things I still struggle with). I can remember how much we loved eachother then, and sit here in amazement when I realize how much more I love him even now. Think back on your dating/ engagement story. What can it teach you about yourself? Look at how far you've come. Whether you believe you've gone forward or backward, it's amazing how differently things end up when we look back.

The Start of a New Year!

2011-12-31T00:42:00.001-06:00

Today is the end of 2011 and tomorrow begins 2012! God has been so good this year, not because everything in my life has always been good, but because God has always been there. To orchestrate every plan, to work it out for the good of His Kingdom even when it doesn't feel like it's for my own personal good, to bury me in His love and His grace even though it is the last thing I deserve and, sometimes, the last thing that I even want. To have a Heavenly Father who loves me enough to require greatness, who will bind my wounds no matter how painful and restore me to Him even when I try to turn away through my hurt. A God who became human to understand every single human emotion I face, and who did it all perfectly as an example to me. To have a God who sacrificed His very self to save me, a wretched sinner, because He still desires to be with me. For everything God has given me, even if I never received anything beyond my salvation, I owe Him my life.

I hope you were as encouraged in December as I was by the testimonies of others. The stories I was ale to share of trials, victory, and purpose. For the month of January I figured I would go the opposite direction and focus on myself. Although, I would never want to go back, and I'm definitely not one of those people who says "I wouldn't do anything differently" because, trust me, there's a lot that I would do differently if given the chance, I love taking the time to look back on my life. To see where I've been, and where I am now. To look back and have the opportunity to realize things that I never noticed before. So, in the month of January, the start of a new year, I will be taking a journey back. To remember where I was, so I can see where I am now. To look back on the good and the bad things that have brought me to where I am today. To take the time to examine the facric of my life and see exactly where it is that God has shown Himself. I hope you'll take this journey with me, and allow me some grace to talk a little (or a lot) about myself.

So here we go! Here is my story. A story of love, loss, mistakes, trials, and victories! Tomorrow is the first stop on my journey, my engagement story. As I celebrate the 5 year anniversary of the day I decided to spend the rest of my life with my husband I hope you will join me!

The average, every day life

2011-12-28T23:11:00.000-06:00

If there's one thing my life is not, it's boring. Even beyond the hustle and bustle of having 3 kids under 4. It's not exciting as some would see it. I'm not a jet setter or a fashionista, I don't hold a position at a Fortune 500 company, I don't even have a life many would dream of, but my life is definitely full of excitement. In fact, I would bet if you looked back, if you began right now to keep track of your every day events, that you would realize just how un-boring you life really is. If you take the time, you will see the majesty in your mundane, everyday life.

Beyond even the majesty of the Universe. Its complexity, its beauty, its mystery. Beyond even the human body. Its design, its perfection, its strength. Looking into the human condition. Our desires, our needs, our hurts. Every single aspect of our lives points to a Creator who not only masterfully designed us, but who points us to Him at every opportunity. What did God do today to reveal Himself to you? Did you see it, did you miss it, did you ignore it? Have you finally realized that there is a power beyond yourself just waiting for you, drawing you in, desperate for you to find it?

I think the excitement of my life begins when I think back to my childhood, how I'm even still alive today. As a parent, don't you find yourself wondering that on a daily basis? You see your children doing something and you wonder how they didn't break their neck, you catch them at the precise moment they are about to put something in their mouth, you walk in to find your baby has just covered their face with a blanket and couldn't breathe. Why was I able throughout my childhood, throughout rebellious teenage years, throughout all of my irresponsible choices, able to make it? Why me, when so many others did not? Luck, chance, fate? GOD. As I became an adult, my life filled with "failures". Failed relationships, failed dreams, failed opportunities. Failure? Or GOD leading me in the direction He wanted me to go so that I could truly succeed? As I go through trials, seeing the beauty in the hard times, being thankful in all situations, seeing the change that comes through the hard times. Power of self, my own strength? Or GOD carrying me through? There is only one thing in common in all of these scenarios. GOD. It is not because of luck that I have survived, that I failed when I did and succeeded when I did, that I can survive the hardest moments of my life and come out better. It is not because of anything that I have done personally that I can stand here before you today, with the life that I have, with this attitude. There is no explanation for the blessings I have been given, overcoming certain diagnoses in my own life, seeing my son's journey through autism. There is nothing that can explain who I am today, what I have been through, where I am in my life, when everything has happened in it's perfect and glorious timing, and why it is the way that it is...nothing, other than God.

New Year's Revolutions

2011-12-27T18:30:00.003-06:00

Every year we make our resolutions. {Resolution: Determining upon an action or a course of action.} We think about what needs to change. Our diet, our weight, spending more time relaxing, growing spiritually. Those areas that we wish we could do something about, but feel helpless to do anything with...until the new year comes around and we gather up the resolve to do something about it. The problem is, we determine the course of action such as going to the gym, taking more vacation time, getting up early to spend time in the Word, and we might (maybe, if we're really determined) stick with it for a little while until our resolve runs out. But that's okay because there's always next year right? This year, I am making a Resolution for Revolution! {Revolution: A sudden, complete, or marked change in something} I will not just plan what actions need to be taken and try to follow through. The areas in my life that need work, well, those areas will be marked by actual change rather than wishful thinking.

As Christians we understand a little bit about revolution. When we made the decision to follow Christ it was a turning point in our lives. It marked a change in us. If we truly made the decision to follow Christ there was a sudden change in us, complete, and one that others took notice of. But, as Christians, we understand the #1 secret to true revolution...that it had absolutely nothing to do with us. So this year I Resolve to Revolve! Because I understand that these changes I want to make cannot come about through my own planning, my own desires. These changes can only come about through the power of God, through His purpose for my life. If I follow His will, indulge in The Word, listen for His voice, let Him direct my path, trust Him completely with my life, then I can accomplish all of these things I see as failures in my life. If I rely on His powers then I can become perfect in Him. So I will revolve around Him.

The greatest thing about the resolution for revolution is that it will end this cycle of regret, of worthlessness, of failed resolve. Revolution means there will be no more need for resolutions! I will no longer look at myself through my own eyes, the eyes of criticism, the eyes that see only failure. I will look at myself through God's eyes, through eyes that see purpose, through eyes that see me perfectly restored to Him. When I see myself through His eyes, when I live His life for me, there will be no more feelings of worthlessness because in Him I am worth everything. I am worth enough for Him to sacrifice His precious Son, the flesh of Himself, that I could be restored to Him. I am worth enough for Him to indwell inside of me as Spirit. And for every day that He provides me breath to continue, if my day is dedicated to His purpose for me, I have the greatest purpose of all. I can change the World. But not just change the World for the World's sake, change the World for all eternity. Can you imagine what would happen if this year, as Christians, we all made the resolution for revolution? Can you even begin to perceive the changes this next year would bring? I know I can't. I can't even begin to imagine what God can do with a nation filled with people completely, totally dedicated to Him. Completely and totally changed. Just the evidence of change in our lives would be enough to lead hundreds to Christ, not even counting those who would be saved by our actions, by our love, by our correctly carrying out the message. Now that would be a revolution!

NOW ON FACEBOOK!

2011-12-27T10:21:00.000-06:00

The Mommy Calling is now on Facebook!!! I can't get the html code to work for my "like" box, so please forgive me as I work on it. But if you're on Facebook look me up and like the page! You will get updates, info, and some special things you won't get here on the blog. And, hopefully, we can all connect with eachother and interact in a way we can't here on the blog!

2011-12-26T00:15:00.000-06:00

I hope you all had a very, very Merry Christmas! Filled with tons of family, friends, and love! I pray you were able to focus on the true meaning of Christmas this season, and not get too caught up in the hustle and bustle, allowing yourself a few moments to relax and enjoy. As a mom the holidays are filled with so much craziness. Whether it's a baby's first Christmas, trying to prepare the perfect meal for your family and friends, making sure decorations are top notch, buying and wrapping all those gifts, or the craziness that comes with holiday travels, there are a ton of things that can just get in the way isn't there. I know that after celebrations like these I feel like I've missed out on most of the fun and I'm just beyond exhausted! Luckily for me this Christmas I had a little help remembering the true reason of the season (wrapped up in strange packages).

With my recent bought with ongoing migraines the Christmas celebrations were moved from my home to my mom's this year. I'm not going to lie, it was disappointing not to do it at my home, not to cook the meal, to have to pack everything up in the car and travel for the festivities. It meant my in-laws stayed home (since we had already celebrated with them anyway) and that meant we never gave them their gift since we were saving it for when they came. And because I sang in church for both our Christmas Eve and Christmas Day service it was a weird schedule for me. I had to leave my kids after opening presents to head off to sing since we already attended the Christmas Eve service together. It was really hard to kiss them goodbye and not just stay home and cuddle up in front of the fire while they played with their toys. Not to mention my little present snafu where I completely mixed up what I bought our son for his "big" gift and it was missing the major component. He ended up with a useless camera attachment to a system he doesn't even have rather than an actual camera like I intended. I actually shed a few tears over the last one, even though he didn't even notice and was too busy playing boats with his daddy. I felt useless and like a Christmas failure.

Insert a big piece of "practice what you preach" pie here. As I was singing for the service this morning I realized something, my family was happy and together, we are blessed and loved, and, even if we didn't have any of those things, Jesus came to Earth all those years ago. He was born in a stable, surrounded by dirty animals and filth. Wrapped in strips of cloth and placed in a feeding trough. He humbly came and brought salvation, and that is more than enough blessing than I ever deserved. All the other blessings that we were given this year were beyond many will ever even imagine. These things that were driving me crazy, and even driving me to tears, meant nothing. And they honestly didn't even effect how wonderful our holidays were. Despite the "failures" we had a wonderful, blessed day. And now, as the day ends, I will curl up in bed and dream of all the wonderful memories we made this year. My newest son's first Christmas, the excitement of my other babies who are now old enough to really enjoy getting and giving gifts, and having my family together. Yes, I'd say we had a very, very merry Christmas indeed!

Merry Christmas! From my family to yours!

2011-12-25T05:57:00.002-06:00

Tis the Night Before Christmas (and I'm a little crazy)

2011-12-24T02:05:00.002-06:00

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring, seriously, one was moving and it was mama mouse!

The stockings were finally hung by chimney with care

In hopes Santa got his act together and soon would be there!

The children were finally wrestled, threatened and snug in their bed,

While visions of ipods and Xboxes danced in their heads.

Dad was laid up in his recliner taking a long winter’s nap,

And I just sat down facing 20 more presents to wrap.

When out on the porch I heard such a clatter,

My honey didn’t move so I pulled myself up to see what was the matter.

And what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But the fed ex man announcing my last minute gifts were finally here!

As I gathered my presents together and placed them under the tree,

The reality of my craziness of “to do lists” and “must do’s” hit me.

I faintly heard the playing of Joy to the World the Lord is come,

And quickly remembered the real meaning of Christmas and not what still had to done.

With all my mad dashing around and tying up loose ends,

I was missing celebrating the birth of our Savior with my precious family and friends.

Our Savior was born on that first joyous Christmas day,

In a humble stable with only a cradle of hay.

It’s not about the decorations or my worrying about needless things,
It’s a wondrous time to celebrate the birth of the King of Kings

So I take my husband ‘s hand and over our children we prayed.

And gave Him thanks for our blessings of freedom, forgiveness and love we enjoy each day.

So as I lay down my head on that beautiful Christmas Eve Night

I rejoice and thank God for the greatest gift of Everlasting Life!

by Traci Lilley
(thank you, sweet friend, for sharing this with us...it is absolutely perfect!)

Heaux, Heaux, Heaux!!!

2011-12-23T04:17:00.001-06:00

A little piece of my culture for you (well, my hubby's culture anyway, since I was born in Texas and my family is from Michigan and Oklahoma!) I know it's hard to understand...now you know how I feel at family reunions...but it's too cute for me not to share! And for those not from the bayou, yes, this is really how they talk!

Be on the lookout tomorrow for my favorite 'Twas the night before Christmas. Written by my sweet friend, Traci Lilley!

A Soldier's Silent Night

2011-12-22T10:46:00.000-06:00

This Christmas my bubba will spend the day with his beautiful daughter for the first time! Safe, warm, surrounded by family. We will have him home, but we will not forget those that will not be with their families for the holidays. We will remember those who have sacrificed it all. They are in our hearts and in our prayers.

OORAH!

To Every Mom Everywhere!

2011-12-21T20:50:00.000-06:00

"Just Pray That God Would Give or Take Bella"...

2011-12-21T07:15:00.003-06:00

...These were the words that stopped my heart, that brought tears to my eyes, that made the world stop spinning just for a split second. As a mom I know the love it takes to say these words, I know the strength, and I'm definitely not there yet. It saddens me that some moms are forced to have to choose. To choose between desperately wanting your children to stay with you, selfishly wanting to love them, and giving them over to God knowing that He will probably take them from you. It reminds me of something my friend told me one day that really resonated with me a lot. She said, "Sometimes, I struggle with telling my children how much God loves them. I don't want them to think I love them any less. It's selfish, but I don't want them to think anyone loves them more than I do." On the surface how superficial does that sound, we want to say to eachother, but of course God loves them more...and OF COURSE He does...but do we really live it? When our children are suffering do we believe that God still loves them more than we do? We are here holding onto them as tightly as we can, protecting them, raising them, and He has "let" this happen. How could He do this if he truly loved them? Just typing out those words brings tears to my eyes and pain to my heart, but how true is it? I so often forget that God loves and does more for my children than I ever can and will.

His plan is perfect, while mine is selfish. If my children were suffering would I be able to ask others to pray for God to take them from me? I can answer at this moment that I doubt I could. On Criminal Minds the other day a father was told his son was dying of cancer. He wanted his son to know that it was ok, so he held his hand and told him it wasn't losing if he didn't make it, that giving up when you know you can't beat it means you've won. And then his son died. My gosh, my heart, just thinking about it, is about to stop beating it hurts so badly. As I watched this I almost ran to my children's rooms and cried out for them not to leave me. I pictured myself in this same scenario as my child is dying screaming out at God not to take them, yelling at the doctors to save them, grabbing onto my child as tightly as I could, never letting go, believing that just by holding them they would have to stay with me. I don't think I would react in a way that shows God's love, God's power, God's purpose.

But here is my friend, the perfect picture of strength and love and compassion, the exact opposite of everything I believe I would do in this situation, offerring her hurting child up to God. Realizing that God loves Bella more than she ever can and will, and knowing that He has the perfect plan. They only had a year with her since they found the tumor. A year filled with surgeries, treatments, hope, disappointment. In fact, at this time last year they had no idea what was about to happen to them. But today their daughter is lying in a bed while they try to make her comfortable and wait. And my friend and her family are telling others to pray that God would give or take. I am left breathless by them, by their situation, by their pain, by their testimony. I pray for this sweet little girl and her family. And I pray that, if I ever need, that I will be as loving and strong as her parents are. I pray that God would be able to use my testimony for good, and that I wouldn't screw it up with my own selfishness. I pray that even with my "healthy" children I can learn to give them completely to God. For Him to love perfectly, to hold completely, to use rightly.

Please keep sweet Bella and her family in your prayers as they go through this difficult time. I know they appraciate such support and love!

UPDATE: AT 6:22 AM ON FRIDAY, DECEMBER 23, 2011 BELLA VERY PEACEFULLY WENT HOME TO JESUS. We know that Jesus is holding this sweet girl right now until her mommy and daddy can see her again. Please pray for her mom, dad, and sister as they go through this.

Trials through ADOPTION...one family's journey

2011-12-20T07:51:00.006-06:00

I normally don't share things on facebook about raising money. If I don't know the family, even if I know the person who posted it, I just don't know if it is genuine or not. When my former associate youth minister posted this on facebook I immediately felt called to share it, so I posted it on my wall. A friend then asked where the family was from, and after asking Danielle if the family was local she shared this with me...

"They live in Texas and go to Gateway church with us. The Jones family is amazing!!!! They have four biological children and adopted a beautiful little girl last year from China. The 12 year old, that they are trying to adopt, is about to age out of the orphanage. When this happens if the orphanage is crowded, the kids are put on the streets. Many times these are the girls that are picked up for sex trade. Thanks for sharing their story!!!"

Here is some of the story from their site...

"The 'place' where she lives never started paperwork for her to be able to be adopted because they didn't think anyone would want her. In this 'place' once a child turns 14 they can NEVER be adopted. Even if they have a family waiting for them if the family does not have their Gotcha day before the 14th birthday they will NEVER be adopted. This girl is turning 14 at the end of February. Because the 'place' she is at just started paperwork for her to be able to be adopted it has left a VERY short, almost impossible time frame for anyone to be able to get through all the necessary steps to get to her in time... The lady at our adoption agency said to me yesterday, 'You realize you're pretty much asking us to do the impossible, to move mountains.' My response was, 'Yes, I realize that. But that's not a problem for God. He's in the mountain moving business.'"

My heart is so full for this family. Full of hope, full of anxiety, full of wonder. I cannot wait to see how God works in this situation, but I have a feeling it's going to be amazing and I have to share it. Please consider donating to the family or at least place them on your prayer list and flood the throne room of Heaven with prayers for this beautiful girl and this sweet family. You can buy a shirt from the family (it's super cute) to help out, donate, or just read more of their story by clicking here. Thank you so much, friends! I can't wait to share the ending to this story with you!

If I Could Have 100 Years

2011-12-19T20:17:00.002-06:00

Last night while everyone was asleep I cuddled with my beautiful 5 month old baby boy. He was nestled up against my chest, little bubbles still on his pouty lips, and a tiny milk mustache. A perfect moment. I prayed something I have prayed so often over the past few years. Ever since my niece was diagnosed with leukemia, when my friend delivered a beautiful but stillborn baby boy, when I found out in my first trimester with Kason that I had placenta previa and was facing serious risks with delivery, when my friend's mom was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. When I began to realize just how short life really is, when I realized that no matter how we live our life there's just no guarantee. That was when I began to pray this simple prayer,

"God, there is nowhere I would rather be than in your presence. There is nothing I would cherish more than to view your perfect kingdom, to have no more sorrow, no more pain. But, Lord, I will have eternity with you. So please allow me just 100 years here on Earth. 100 years to face trials, but to watch my family grow. 100 years to witness pain and sorrow, but to be able to provide comfort and love. 100 years is but a breath compared to forever, so please grant me this one small request. I don't need wealth, I don't need fame, I don't need anything but time to be with my family."

I prayed this prayer, as I always do, when in the midst of a beautiful moment. With my baby's hand wrapped around my finger, with a heart full of love. In a beautiful moment when the fear strikes that I may not have many of these moments at all. When I realize that my family may make beautiful moments without me. And when I realize this, that is when I pray for 100 years. But as I prayed last night I felt that stirring in my spirit...you know the feeling when God is trying to tell you something that you might not want to hear. He said,

"Would you still want 100 years, if it was filled with persecution? Would you still want 100 years if your mind was foggy, if your body gave out, if you became a burden to those you love? Would you want 100 years no matter what, or only if it were to be filled with happiness and love and joy? What if I could do more with you in 1 year than I could in 100?"

So now I guess I will add an addendum to my prayer. The "not my will, but Thine be done." Because, in all honesty, I don't know under what circumstances I would really want 100 years. If I could handle it come what may. So, Lord, I would love 100 years if it is your will for me. If not then give me as many wonderful years as I can have, and let me make the best of it!

I guess God decided now was a good time for me to learn this lesson. Since I have been praying this prayer for years and never heard a response. I mean, there is nothing about that prayer that is "sinful". Ok, if we split hairs it is a pretty selfish prayer, but there is nothing unbiblical about praying to live a long life. And I don't think God decided to reveal these things to me because He is against what I was praying. I have no idea if He will grant me a long life or a short one, but I do know that today I received some scary news that makes the idea of 100 years a little less appealing. After suffering with migraines for the past 2 weeks, several trips to the ER, and being completely unable to care for my own children I learned today that though the headaches can be treated (something I've suffered with for years and just need to get back on anti-seizure medication for) the weakness cannot. That permanent nerve damage is going to be a new part of my life. And now at the age of 26 I'm having to get used to the idea of having trouble holding my baby, not being able to use my hands the way I need to sometimes, the fear that it may get significantly worse. And, even though the diagnoses could have been much worse, and, honestly, I was preparing myself, it still may take me awhile to be able to get used to this reality and become comfortable with it. And although I will still gladly take 100 years, it does make me question how I would feel about 100 years sometime in the future.

Free E-Book Link to Time-Warp Wife

2011-12-18T19:04:00.000-06:00

I love being able to share with my friends and help promote other women who are following their calling! Be sure to check out the Time-Warp Wife page for a copy of her free e-book "Messy Faces in Divine Places". It is really easy, just subscribe to her feed and in the next email you receive you will see a link for her book! I know I can't wait to get mine and start reading, so make sure to grab your copy and learn to "enjoy the blessed hilarity of everyday life". Then make sure to come back and tell me what you thought about the book! I'll be following right along with you!

Sometimes There Are Just No Words...

2011-12-16T06:30:00.003-06:00

No words to describe the blessings. No words to describe the pure love and joy that I feel whenever I look into the faces of my beautiful children. Yup, it's pretty much indescribable...

1 John 3:18 Dear Children, Let us not love with words or speech, but with actions and truth.

2011-12-15T18:13:00.002-06:00

CHECK OUT THE NEW ALL ABOUT YOU PAGE!

Just like it says, it is all about you (for me). I would love to get to know you, to know what you think about the posts, and to be able to interact with you about what is posted on this site. Please take a minute to stop by and say hello!

The Gift of Testimony through Trials

2011-12-15T07:39:00.002-06:00

This Thanksgiving I was led on a journey of learning how to worship through thanks and praise. During my 25 Days of Thanksgiving, when I made it halfway on my list of 1,000, when I learned to thank God for my family's experiences with Autism, and I finally reached the point where I could truly thank Him for the hardest things. This year, I was able to celebrate a truly gracious Thanksgiving. But the number one thing I took from this Journey of Thanksgiving was that this spirit of Thanksgiving is about a lifestyle, not just a season. It's all about recognizing that God is in control. Recognizing His hand wherever you are, in whatever may come, however He decides to work.

Here is a great testimony of a family's faith through the trying times. This is the story of our former Associate Minister of Music and his wife, Matt and Sheri Rouse. It's a little long since it was taken from their transcript of the Grain Game's Winter Ball speech, but I encourage you to read it when you have time. Their testimony and encouragement is truly a great reminder of the strength we have been given in Christ in every situation. A word from Matt before you read: Tonight is the first time I have spoken in public about this, for it has taken me months to become comfortable sharing what you are about to read. The story goes beyond my health into the greater purposes God has for our lives...for good and in the bad.

Matt: Sheri and I have some difficult things to share with you tonight, but also some exciting answers to prayer where God has showed Himself to be the One who sees the whole picture of our lives and has worked to turn the devastating into good. Last February, after many tests and consultations with specialists, I was diagnosed with what appears to be front temporal dementia at the age of 43. This rare disease is much more aggressive and different than Alzheimer’s. It affects the frontal lobe of the brain. At onset it is limited primarily to executive function problems and personality changes. The really bad news is that it is 100% fatal and untreatable. In March, my doctor told Sheri that my life expectancy was much shorter than we first thought, because with this disease the younger you are at diagnosis, the shorter your life expectancy. When it came time for my doctor to discuss my life expectancy, I asked to leave the room. I continued to believe I would make it at least 10 more years according to more optimistic research I had made. It took me until early June before I was willing to hear what my doctors had told Sheri regarding my life expectancy. The day I heard the words, “Two to three years, and make sure to spend the next year making family memories and taking lots of pictures,” - is a day that changed my life forever.

That night, after we cried and held each other, I asked Sheri to book a week long cruise for our family, one that would include Roatan, Honduras and other countries. I knew it was time to take a serious look at my “bucket list” and take action. I have always had a burden for missions. When Sheri and I were teenagers we had discussions about feeling God’s call for the foreign mission field. For several years we wrestled with whether to pursue church ministry work or foreign missions. We believe we pursued what God led us to do, but now that I have been diagnosed with dementia it is as though God is making my thoughts more clear and focused toward missions and that our burden for missions has only grown. As I come to consider that my time is likely much shorter on this earth than I had ever imagined, it makes me feel and believe the REALITY that NONE of us are promised tomorrow. I am now trying to live in that reality and pray daily for God’s power to show me the way.

In the early part of the year, unable to perform ministry as I have for over 2 decades, I looked deep inside and decided to become a serious prayer warrior for missions. After all, "active" ministry is not an option. Not trying to be boastful - for it is only because of God's mercy in showing me so many needs around the world and not of my own human effort - I now spend considerable time most every weekday praying for our lost world, and have come to find it addictive - to the point that Sheri recently lost her patience in waiting for us to go out together for lunch one day because I was still in my prayer "office" with maps, and books of the cities of the world, and the Grain Game email updates spread before me when it was well past lunch. God has allowed me to use my time off to do the real heavy lifting of the kingdom work in prayer support. And Chip has reminded me time and time again that nothing significant can happen through [the ministry of] Grain Game without intentional prayer. We are seeing God act.

I wish I could say that this disease is the only hardship we have experienced this year, it is but one of many. On top of a difficult and unexpected end to my career last January, I severed my Achilles tendon while standing still playing basketball with my son, Josh. This injury required surgery, no weight bearing for months, and various with plaster casts. Then, 3 days after going from a cast to a walking boot I ruptured the same tendon again and had to undergo a very involved and painful tendon transfer surgery. Essentially, I did not walk without the assistance of a wheelchair, scooter or crutches from the end of January until September. Sheri especially had a hard time with this injury on top of everything else and neither of us saw how any good could come out of going on our “bucket-list” cruise with a non-weight bearing leg following the second Achilles tear. This injury eliminated most of the snorkeling, cave tubing and beach walks we would normally enjoy.

Ironically, I severed the first tendon while out of town at a prayer and healing service for my dementia disease, so I came back home physically in worse shape despite intense prayers for healing. Then, I ruptured it the second time while at church! We still believe in God’s healing power and continue to seek God, humbly ask for complete healing, repent of any known sin, and have allowed prayer groups to anoint me with oil and join with us in prayer. But up to this moment we have not seen the reality of His divine healing. We do not know if He will completely heal me, but we can see where He has already used my health for what may bring about the salvation of many others. I am willing to be used as His vessel in this way if that is the path God has chosen for me. I will not ask, “Why me?” Instead, I ask, “Why not me?” He is God and I am not.

Sheri: Each year at Christmas, since 1995, I have asked God for a specific character trait or spiritual gift as His gift to me for the following year. Last December, I was convicted to ask for “self-less love” without knowing ahead what was coming in 2011. God has often responded to my yearly request through difficult circumstances that have helped mold me more to His character, but it has not been an easy road by any means. However, I am not the same since 1995, and I would not trade what God has done in our lives for these serious trials. As Job laments, “Shall I accept good from God, and not trouble?” (2:10 NIV).

One of the cruise’s four ports was Roatan, Honduras, and I really wanted to find a mission opportunity there but I did not have time to make any preparations due to my Bar exam study schedule. I had a strong burden for our family to participate in a mission activity in our one day stop on the island of Roatan. I thought about taking a taxi to a local orphanage or school to play with kids and pass out toys, clothes, candy and Bibles. But, alas, time was too short to make plans. I later learned, God had bigger plans and He is the One who sees even when our schedules are too full to pray long prayers like Matt has the time to bring on other’s behalf. But God responded to my desperate, frequent prayers spoken as I ran through those preceding months trying to keep everyone in our family on track and pass the Bar exam. I survived by posting copies of a single scripture verse of whatever God led me to in 7 locations around our house each week and praying that verse throughout the day regarding every heartache and obstacle we faced.

On the ship when disembarking at Roatan, we bought tickets to tour Gumbalimba Park to play with wild monkeys, zipline through the rain forest, and see one of the most beautiful places, Tabyana Beach. However, when our tour bus arrived at Gumbalimba Park the pathways were made of gravel, uneven and too rugged for Matt on his knee scooter or crutches. God promises to make the “rough places plain”, and I thought of this as our guide pointed to an older man on a golf cart who said he would be happy to drive us through the park. He dressed like the other tour guides but we noticed that whenever we rode into an area with him we had special attention and he knew quite a lot of detail about everything in the park. A few hours into our tour Matt mentioned he was a minister and tried to make an effort at ascertaining our guide’s spirituality. The man replied that he was a local pastor of an interdenominational, protestant church in Roatan. The conversation did not go much further and this man seemed to quietly contemplate things. So did I.

Matt mentioned how he regretted not being able to zip line with his foot injury. The man said he could arrange that and have a guide before him and another following after him who would safely transfer him on one leg on 17 tree stands through the one mile course. Although this was a popular excursion this man arranged it in a brief call from his radio. Next, this man asked if he could take us in his personal vehicle to see his church. Of course we accepted with delight. I knew I had underestimated this man when he pulled up in a new Harley Davidson edition Ford pickup truck valued at about $60k, for we had seen only old model vehicles in Roatan. We soon learned that this man, our humble guide for the day, Marco Galindo, owned the park & the beach, built the church himself, feeds 125 or more poor Roatans two meals daily, and loves to host mission groups.

After a couple hours at this church, Marco grinned at us and said, “Nothing makes me happier in this world than to host mission trips, would you like to come back and bring others?” Marco is now hosting us for Grain Game Roatan sometime in the future[...] He will gather as many kids we can handle - “100 or 1000” were his words. He is also open to any other type of mission trips we might feel led to do there[...] Our God who sees knew that unless we had a need for the “rough places to be made smooth” then this opportunity would likely have been missed. We now thank God for the severed Achilles tendon that made all of this possible.

I am so thankful for the Rouse's wonderful testimony. Praise God for every situation, for we never know how he will use it if we follow Him. Also check out The Grain Game website and prayerfully consider making a donation to this ministry.

Time for Me

2011-12-14T00:23:00.000-06:00

As a mommy, this is my day: Wake up before the sun, make breakfast for my kids, after they eat that and are still hungry I also have to make them a small snack (they pretty much get a 4 course breakfast). Then I have to find an activity to keep my kids occupied so I can tackle the pile of dishes covering my counter from the day before. If I'm lucky and squeeze a load of laundry in before I start the dishes then I have to move it to the dryer as soon as I'm done with dishes and I can hopefully get another load in. By this point my kids are hungry again, especially the baby, so it's time for another snack. At this point I'm still trying to find something to keep the kids occupied (and my eyes open) and I realize I haven't even had breakfast. So I make a pot of coffee (because I figure that counts...well, it will keep my eyes open at least.) Play a little bit with the kids (or clean up after them while they play, depending on my mood) and make lunch. Now, I'm desperate to sit down, so I try to wrangle everyone down for a nap. They get in their beds and I decide to do at least one more load of laundry. As soon as I sit down with my remote control and a little snack (since I still have not eaten all day) the baby is hungry again. So I feed him and as soon as I'm done my oldest comes out of his room because he needs to go potty. Then I remember that, well, I haven't used the bathroom all day either (that's when you realize you're busy, when you realize you haven't even had time to pee!) I finally get everything taken care of and I'm ready to sit down, and my daughter wakes up. So I just stick her in front of the TV with a movie so I can at least eat lunch (since it's about 1:00 and I still have not eaten more than a granola bar) then I decide to put another load in the wash. Then I look over at my couch and realize there are 4 loads of laundry piled up on it that need to be folded and put away, but all I want to do is sit down. By now, I'm counting down the hours until my husband gets home (at this point it will be about 3 hours and I wish it was more like 3 minutes because I don't think I can make it that long). The rest of the day is me just trying to stay awake, trying to be a fun momma, trying to accomplish the things on my To-do lists. By the end of the day it's almost like I'm too tired to even breathe. I feel empty and worn out.

*sigh* My selfish side wants "me" time. I want to be able to just be by myself for a couple of hours. Then the egotistical side of me thinks "I can do this all by myself" *double sigh* Honestly, the days that I spend the most time in His Word (usually the days I get the least amount of sleep since I can't really have quiet time until the kids are in bed) are the days I feel the most energized, the most prepared, the most ready to take on the world. The days I incorporate my kids into my "me" time are the days I find myself the most fulfilled and happy in being a mother. The days that I give myself to others freely, without just thinking about what others are going to do for me, are the days I feel the most complete. It's true that as mothers we spend our lives giving to others, putting ourselves last, emptying ourselves completely. But deciding to put ourselves first isn't going to solve any of the "problems" we have as mothers. A day to myself, although nice, isn't going to help me get truly re-energized. A nap, no matter how heavenly it sounds, isn't going to cure me of a worn out spirit. I've heard so often since becoming a mother that I need to be a little "selfish" and I guess if we're splitting hairs we can say that, yes, every once and a while a little "selfishness" can be a good thing (although we need to seriously consider using a different word in this situation because there's a huge difference between getting a pedicure and being truly selfish and making the decision to get a pedicure while my children are in need of my help). Every once in a while I do need "me" time, but "me" time isn't going to make me a good mother. Plugging into God is going to make me a good mom. Relying on Him to continually fill the spirit that I am continually emptying out to others is going to help me keep my sanity. Leaning on His promises in those moments when I feel too weary to go on is going to keep me energized. Selfishness isn't what's going to help me at all, selflessness is (and that includes not being too prideful to allow others to "do" for me, but that's for another time.)

Imperfect is the NEW Perfect

2011-12-12T22:35:00.002-06:00

When I look at the women I surround myself with I am filled with awe, and sometimes a little bit of jealousy. I am so excited when they accomplish something new, then it makes me feel like maybe I'm not doing enough myself. How crazy is that! But we all do it. And it's time that we stop. It's time that we realize that we may be "imperfect" but since when is that a bad thing? How exciting would the world be if everyone was exactly the same? How great would our accomplishments truly be if everyone was doing the same thing?

At our Christmas party while we were bragging over my friends amazing athletic skills, she said, "but I'm not crafty..." We all laughed a little. We all know how that feels. I am making a handmade braided rug for my daughter, something everyone keeps fawning over, but all I think about is my friends who wake up at 5 every morning to go running. How they have completed marathons, triathlons, and have gym memberships. My husband and I build our own furniture, but I wish I had a sewing machine (and the desire to actually use it) when I see the beautiful clothes my friends make for their children. I can speak or sing in front of a room full of people without thinking twice, but I can't get past feeling like a bad mom when I give my kids fish sticks while my friends feed their children grass-fed beef with a side of organic fruits and veggies. I can't coupon, I can't crochet, and I get super cranky if I don't get 5 meals a day and at least 9 hours of sleep. I live my life to glorify God, to live according to His purpose for me, but sometimes I can't help but wonder "What if?" when I look through my friends' photos of their travel abroad. I can't help but wonder if my "ministry" is actually important when I have friends providing medical assistance to hundreds of hurting people all over the world. My life, when I compare these "failures" to my friends accomplishments, is pretty much going nowhere fast. At least, that's how it feels.

The problem with these comparisons are, they aren't comparisons at all. In fact, when my friends succeed it does not mean that I have failed just because I haven't done these things. Just because other moms do things a different way, it doesn't mean that I am doing it incorrectly. In fact, the way they do things really has nothing to do with me at all. I should be encouraging them to live up to their potential while realizing that it is completely separate from mine. I should not feel insignificant because of the significance in their lives. In fact, it should be encouraging to me, that my friends have done such great and wonderful things. Encouraging because it can be done, encouraging because they are doing it, encouraging because there is so much that I can learn from them. But I should never feel like these "imperfections" about me make me anything less than perfect. I should never feel like I have to be anything different than who I am just because they are not like me. We all have the power to do it, and that is enough! All of the other accomplishments along the way, are simply ways that God reminds us of our individual talents. Ways that God uses to further His Kingdom, to show off His powers, to keep life interesting. He will show off just as much through a crafty stay-at-home mom as He will in a marathon runner. He will use the CEO the same as He will use the mom who has never held a corporate position a day in her life. He will use us all to change the world...but He can't use us if we're so caught up in what we "can't" do that we forget to do what we can. He can only use us when we realize that it is our imperfections that make us perfect to Him!

Today was one of those days...

2011-12-10T22:16:00.002-06:00

It was one of those days that life didn't really make sense, when God's plan seemed "flawed", when I couldn't see the promise through the pain. When the tears flowed freely and the comfort didn't seem to come. Watching someone struggle, having absolutely nothing comforting to say, knowing that the fact that "God is in control" just doesn't really make the hurt go away. Knowing that it will take God's binding of these wounds in order for them to heal, and knowing that that takes a lot more than words. Knowing that the healing can only come through time, and that the knowledge may not come until we can ask our Creator face-to-face what His purpose was for our trials.

I'm reminded of those God loved in Scripture. Those He loved, yet turned over to trials. When, in Job 1:12, He gave Satan permission to do whatever he wanted to Job's possessions, just not to harm Job himself. Then after Satan had destroyed Job's riches, killed his children, again in Job 2:6 God turned Job's physical being over to Satan's hand with just the requirement that he not be killed (something that I'm sure would have actually come as a relief to Job while dealing with these trials). Job never turned from God. He cursed his own life, wishing he had never been born, he questioned why he was having to go through the trials that had been placed on him, Job even thought God had deserted him, but he still never turned from God. And in the end we learn that God had never deserted him either. For 37 chapters there is strife. Job is mocked, rebuked, humiliated by his "friends". God is questioned, made fun of, "tested" by those who had no understanding of Him. It wasn't until chapter 38 that God speaks. And we see in Job 42:10-17 that God blessed Job beyond his previous fortunes, and Job died an old man.

I can't imagine what the Scriptures would read about me if it were recording 37 chapters of my own personal trials. Trials in which I could not feel the warmth of God's love surrounding me. Trials in which there seems no good could ever come. To lose not only all of my possessions, but to lose my children to death, to have my spouse and my friends turn against me. To be turned over to a literal hell on earth, with Satan in control of what happens to me. It is these times when our understanding of God is lacking, when His plan is so beyond the realm of human reason, when we are forced to face our human limitations that it is hardest for our faith to be put into practice. These trials that force us to live the way God has called us, by faith, turning everything over to Him, dying to ourself daily, these trials that make us who God wants us to be. No matter how far we feel from Him at the time. No matter how desperately we cry out to be rescued, but instead feel like we have been abandoned. These chapters in our lives that reveal nothing but pain, sorrow, and desperation. Like the poem says, one day we will get to hear God utter the words, "I did not abandon you, it was then that I carried you." And, hopefully, He will celebrate with us how these trials have molded us. That we can here Him say, "Well done, my good and faithful servant."

Heaven is for Real...for kids too!

2011-12-09T09:16:00.002-06:00

I saw a post on The Better Mom today (make sure to check it out so you can enter their giveaway) about the new "Heaven is for Real for kids". It got me really excited! The book is based on the true story of a boy, Colton, who entered Heaven while undergoing surgery for a ruptured appendix. In the years that followed he began sharing some of his experience with his father, who is a pastor. He soon realized that their son had entered into Heaven. Colton shared experiences and details that coincided with scripture that he could not have possibly known at the tender young age of 4. This book was so profound to me, and I knew it would be a great tool to help teach my children about Heaven, so I am beyond excited that there is a version geared towards sharing this story with children! You can check out the book on Amazon to get a peek inside the pages of the book and to order your copy. This is a great gift for the holidays! In a world where our children are bombarded with the need to "prove" their beliefs, what greater encouragement of proof is there than a little boy who was able to experience Heaven. If you haven't read the adult's version make sure to order your copy as well!

For those of you who did read the book, I hope you shared with me the excitement of Colton's revelation of Jesus. When showed portraits of Jesus, he just kept saying, "It's not right." Then, after coming across the Prince of Peace portrait of Jesus he stated, "That one's right." The exciting thing about his revelation was not just that he provides us with a "visual picture" of what Jesus truly looks like, but that the portrait was drawn by 8 year old Akaine Kramarick. She is a child prodigy, literally amazing, but the great thing about her work is her testimony. She was growing up in a home with an atheist mother and a "lapsed" Catholic father when, at the age of 4, she began writing poetry and producing art based on "divinely inspired visions". The best thing was that this portrait also bore strong resemblance to the Shroud of Turin presented in the History Channel's production of "The Real Face of Jesus". This was a 3D representation of an image taken from what is believed to be the burial clothes of Jesus. Skeptical, intrigued, however you may feel about it, there is no denying that it's exciting.

Akiane's Portrait of Jesus
Colton said this one's "right."

On another blog discussing this topic I came across this comment I had to share. Thank you, Joe Campanini, for your wonderful testimony!

On July 23 2009 I broke my neck in a swimming accident of the coast of New Jersey, I was slammed to the sand by a wave and knocked unconcsience, my lungs were full of sand/water and debris…my 12 year old son who I was boogie boarding with noticed my board but did not realize I was attached to it, he acted quickly and pulled me out by my feet, the first responder was an orthapedic surgeon, I was in a coma for 6 days…the reason I’m writing this is I have described in great detail of a man coming in my room, I was on my left side but felt his presence as he entered, I turned to see him and he responded…I saved your life…I put out my hand to thank him but never felt it…I will never forget his face and have described it in great detail to many people….I have never seen Akiane’s portrait of Jesus, but when I opened it I fell to my knees and began to cry…………

Where is Your God?

2011-12-08T15:56:00.002-06:00

Psalm 42

¹ As the deer longs for streams of water,

so I long for you, O God.

² I thirst for God, the living God.

When can I go and stand before him?

³ Day and night I have only tears for food,

while my enemies continually taunt me, saying,

“Where is this God of yours?”

⁴ My heart is breaking

as I remember how it used to be:

I walked among the crowds of worshipers,

leading a great procession to the house of God,

singing for joy and giving thanks

amid the sound of a great celebration!

⁵ Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and ⁶ my God!

Now I am deeply discouraged,
but I will remember you—
even from distant Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan,
from the land of Mount Mizar.
⁷ I hear the tumult of the raging seas
as your waves and surging tides sweep over me.
⁸ But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me,
and through each night I sing his songs,
praying to God who gives me life.

⁹ “O God my rock,” I cry,
“Why have you forgotten me?
Why must I wander around in grief,
oppressed by my enemies?”
¹⁰ Their taunts break my bones.
They scoff, “Where is this God of yours?”

¹¹ Why am I discouraged?
Why is my heart so sad?
I will put my hope in God!
I will praise him again—
my Savior and my God!

All I want for Christmas...

2011-12-06T15:16:00.001-06:00

Is a kind word from a stranger. I don't think it's too much to ask. In fact, it's the comments of strangers that led to my first post. The attitude that I'm crazy for taking on parenting, for loving it, for feeling blessed to have three children under three. The comments were hurtful enough, but the sheer amount was what really hurts my heart. I never realized how widespread in our society the "parenting is so hard" mindset truly was. Am I saying parenting is a piece of cake? No. But like I stated in that first post, when did we get to the point that we figured only a few "supermoms" can actually enjoy parenting and do it well? When did we forget that God has called us and equipped us to handle every situation we face as mothers? Why are we so quick to complain about parenthood rather than to celebrate it?

When I go out with my children, it is for the most part an enjoyable experience. I mean, we have our days...missed nap times, bad attitudes, not feeling well...but 99% of the time we are laughing, smiling, truly enjoying each other. So to have our nice time together interrupted by strangers who feel the need to comment on "how full" my hands are, how I "need a hobby" (apparently if you have 3 children all you do is, well, you know...), "how crazy" people think I am. Based on the comments I receive it's apparent that people believe my decision to have my children (to have so many, and to have them close together) is selfish, I should be miserable, and I am just setting myself up for failure. And it's not just me. It's a common thing for my friends to be at the receiving end of these comments as well. A woman told me friend, in front of her children, "how sorry" she was that they were all hers (well, she whispered it so I guess she felt that made it ok.) And do not get me started on comments made about my friends who have adopted or biracial children. All of us have anywhere from 2-4 children. Hardly a large number, in fact a pretty normal number in my opinion. Let's change this. Let's change this parenthood attitude. We obviously cannot change other people's opinions on how our family should look, but we can pass on to others how much we love our families. We can encourage each other, and hopefully one day these discouraging words will be the ones that are few and far between rather than the good ones. When we see a mother in the store with her children, to share an encouraging word with her, rather than to make these comments that imply she should be embarrassed or miserable in her current situation. Obviously, I know these judgemental comments and sideways glances aren't going to go away, but it would be nice if I would get a "You must have so much fun with your children" or "Your family is so blessed" while I'm out with my family more often than getting the negative comments. I don't ever want my children to believe that I feel the same way about them as these strangers. I want them to know that they are not a burden. That I don't just view them as hard work. I want them to know they are loved, cherished, and pretty darn great. It would be nice if they were made to think I'm not the only one who feels this way! How wonderful if my children could grow up in a society that valued them as much as I do.

Despite all of the negativity, I've had those special moments, when people have said something encouraging to me. When my children are screaming in line for candy and I tell them no. To have a fellow mother say, "You're doing a good job." Rather than giving me a pitiful look or telling me to "just give it to them." The time a lady who had 5 children purposefully came across the restaurant to tell me to "Enjoy them because they are such great blessings." Today, to have one of those horrible moments after my 3 and 2 year old held the door open for a lady with a walker. Her daughter (who was a fully grown woman) instead of making a comment about how sweet my children were, looked at my baby in the carrier then at my older two and says, "You finally got your boy. Congratulations on that one." The fact that my older son (who has long hair) was wearing all blue escaped her I guess. But even if Kason were my first boy, why would I be more grateful for him? And why was this the comment she felt was the most important thing to tell me at the time? After that, to be so discouraged yet again, only to have a sweet women tell me a little later on, how "precious my family was, how wonderful my kids are, and how blessed I am." That comment turned my yet again defeated attitude into one of hope and joy. Because I do hope that people see the love and happiness I feel for my family. I pray that we will look for opportunities to encourage other mothers, and I pray that we will never be a source of hurt or anger to them. I pray that, one day, a kind word from a stranger will be commonplace rather than the exception. And that is what I want for Christmas.

December 5-9 Link Up

2011-12-05T13:59:00.002-06:00

This week my posts will be linked up with Hidden Treasures for her "Treasured Traditions" Christmas Blog Party! Fellow bloggers come join us and even if you don't have a blog you can still come read the awesome posts from other ladies about Recipes, Activities, Decorations, Traditions, and Gifts! Merry Blogging!

The Gift of Excess

2011-12-05T09:10:00.001-06:00

While recently trying to think of activities for my families Advent, I had a strange revelation. I mean, I guess it's not strange to think about using the excess we've been blessed with to bless others, but it was the item that kind of took me off guard. It was a bag full of Halloween candy. I don't know if your family goes trick or treating or not, but this was our first year taking our kids. By the end of the night my daughter's bag was bigger than she was, my son had decided he didn't even want to get any more, and I was just trying to get us back home without adding any more to their huge stockpile! It was pretty hard since in our neighborhood we don't go door to door, but everyone has a table set up at the end of their driveway and we were constantly bombarded by friendly, well-meaning neighbors and their gifts of sweets. So we ended up with enough candy to hand out to the entire neighborhood next year and still have some left-over! This is excess that I know a lot of kids would love, so I decided to use it. My kids and I are going to fill little stockings with our excess candy bars and sweet tarts and bring it to the local children's shelter for the other kids to enjoy. I mean, what kid doesn't love candy? It's such an inexpensive way for my kids to learn how to give to others, and I'm all about cutting back on our waste.

We all have those things lying around our house that we really don't want to get rid so they just sit there. Or we just have too much of a good thing. My husband and I build furniture, and in our recent arts and crafts fair had a bunch of stuff left over. It would be great to sell everything that we made, I mean with only one salary (and a teacher's salary at that) extra money is more of a necessity than actual "extra". But God has really been speaking to my heart about tithes and offerings. We give our tithe, but even that is sacrificial giving for us. There's just really not anything left over in the budget for offerings. But God has spoken to me that we are blessed with so many other things to offer up to Him. That the excess in our lives He has given us, even though not monetary gifts, can be used to bless others. The furniture from our arts and crafts show I've been wanting to sell, or the things I have around the house that I was planning on putting in a garage sale, or even the extra time I have during the day since I stay home with my children, all of these things are gifts of excess that God wants me to use for His Kingdom. So this year instead of storing our little left-over items from the fair they are being given out as gifts to friends. Our church has been working in our community with a large group of refugees from all over the world, so the furniture that we built or that we no longer need is going to be donated to the refugee families.

I know of 3 families in the past few months (one just right down the road) who have lost their homes to fire. This got me thinking about just how much I actually have and wondering what it is I can do to help them recover from such a profound loss. Instead of seeing my things of excess as "mine" or even as "dollar signs" for my family, I will start looking at them as ways to bless others. What are some things of excess that you have been blessed with, even if it's not monetary? What are some ways you can use these things to bless others and to impact the kingdom?

Gift of Music

2011-12-04T22:18:00.002-06:00

Today I got to cross something off of my bucket list...singing with a group that I have loved since middle school! OK, so it wasn't on my bucket list because A) I don't have a bucket list and B) I never really would have thought that I was going to sing with a Grammy nominated, 2 time Dove Award winning group. Amy Richardson was just too precious with her cute baby bump and her great sense of humor when she signed my cd (making sure she gave me "proof" that I actually sang with them). I think it was really my dream that came true today rather than hers! They are awesome, they are down to Earth, and they are changing the world with their music. Today I got to be a part of that, and that was one of the greatest gifts I have ever received!

Family of Traditions...The Start of our Advent

2011-12-02T10:02:00.008-06:00

Traditions are one of the most important gifts we can give to our children. One thing that became important to me when I had kids was making family traditions with them. I don't know why it was important to me, I didn't really grow up in a family with many traditions of our own. In fact, the only tradition we had was going to the movies on Thanksgiving and Christmas day. I just desperately wanted my children to have full memories of our time together as a family. I want them to tell their children and grand children about us, I want to somehow knit our family into the fabric of our future lineage. I want my children to love the things we did as a family so much that they want to do the same with their own families someday. I selfishly want to be that family member that is talked about for generations. So in an effort to inspire our kids, to teach them that there is so much more to Christmas than just getting gifts, we started our newest tradition, the Advent. Here it is!

Like I said in my recent post, I have been looking into the Advent for a couple of years now. Trying to figure out how I wanted to do it. My hubby and I decided last year we wanted to build a house for the kids when we couldn't really find one we liked. Plus building for us is an act of love. To put the time and energy into making something just for them. I make a homemade birthday cake for them every year, and it's the only tradition I'm adamant about, so I guess making them a homemade Advent house is pretty typical for me. Also typical for me is going a little bit over board! Here's the proof...

Trying to decide what to do for our Advent activities was the hardest part! My problem is seeing all of the wonderful ideas other people do with their families and I want to do it ALL. So I decided that I would do it all...at least a little bit of everything. My heart's desire is for my children to be well-rounded in all areas of their lives and that includes the holidays. I want them to have fun, but to know that the meaning of Christmas is not about what presents they receive but is instead about the ultimate gift. I want them to know that we cannot afford to get them everything they want, but that the amount of money we spend is not a reflection of how blessed you are or how much you are loved. And, finally, I want them to understand that compared to many others just how blessed we really are. That compared to society's standards we may be lacking, but compared to the world's standards our lives are overflowing with great abundance. But I don't want them to learn these things from a lecture, I want them to learn these things through example, through action, through seeing it first-hand. So that's why I decided to combine the 3 ways to reinvent the Advent (the fun of arts and crafts, the art of learning to serve, and learning the true meaning of Christmas) into one. Each day when they open the door they will see a little gift. A tiny ornament for their own little tree. On the door is also a note with something for us to do that day. It will either be a Bible verse to talk about the true meaning of Christmas, a craft for us to do that day, or a way for us to serve others. Just a little something that they can learn from and, most importantly, that we can do together!

The excitement about our Advent is already building! My 3 year old told me that he is going to sit here until his daddy comes home and we can do our house. I am so excited about getting my children excited about anything, but especially about spending some quality time with family. I know that all too soon they will rather spend their time with influences other that us, and when the time comes I want these little things to be ingrained into their hearts and minds. What are some traditons you enjoyed growing up? Even something as simple as my family's movie night. What are some traditions that you are beginning with your own family and hope your children love enough to carry on?

Gift of Time

2011-12-01T05:12:00.005-06:00

Three years ago, my precious niece was diagnosed with ALL (lukemia) right after Christmas. Although we almost lost her several times along the way, she managed to pull through and is now in remission, done with treatment, and trying to start her life as normally as possible for as long as she has. Even though she has a good outcome for now, many we met along the way were not as lucky. If there's one thing we learned, it's that you just make the best with what you have. It's something we should be doing anyway, but when you have a "limit" put on the time you have left it seems a lot easier to truly focus on the important things. No matter how little or how much time we have left, it's never too soon and it's never too late to live a fullfilling life. There's never too little time left to make a difference, to change a life, to live with purpose. And there's no such thing as too much time. Time is the greatest gift we have been given, what are we teaching our children to do with it?

Click here to donate to St. Jude

Reinventing the Advent

2011-11-30T12:47:00.001-06:00

The only thing I knew of the Advent (from the Latin word meaning "coming") growing up was that you get a little gift each day counting down to the really big gift you get on Christmas. Well, that's all really fun, but I think the last thing we need is another way to focus on what it is we are getting for Christmas. Now, don't get me wrong, my hubby and I just built our kids a wonderful advent house and we will be doing it with the kids every day. They will get a small ornament each day to decorate their tree to help them count down to Christmas. There is nothing wrong with giving gifts on Christmas. In fact giving is a very important thing to teach our children. And getting gifts is fun too. It makes us feel special, it makes us feel loved, it makes us feel appreciated. But what are we doing beyond that? Are we taking advantage of the holidays to make family memories, teach our kids about serving others, and remembering the true meaning of the holidays? Here are some great ideas I've found to incorporate into your holiday season to help focus on something other than just how many gifts we will get. For each of these you can use the traditional advent house or calendar or just make a paper chain with the information written on each link (one of my personal favorites). You can search Pinterest for some really fun and different ideas on how to make your own advent.

The Arts and Crafts Advent. This is a really fun way to make memories together (and is great for finding things to do while your kids are out of school). Pinterest, again, is a perfect resource for activities to do with your kids! Find my follow me on pinterest button on my left sidebar to check out my boards for ideas. Pick a craft to do each day leading up to Christmas. Your kids will love it, and you will enjoy the purposeful time spent together.

The Service Advent. Your kids are never too young to learn to put others before themselves. Whenever I think of families serving together, I picture them lined up in hair nets serving at a food kitchen. A great idea, but there are so many other options. And I'm sure there's some you can find that will be much more appealing to your children. It's not about forcing them to serve, it's about getting them to want to serve others and teaching them how to do it. Have them pick out a few of their own toys, books, or clothing to donate (Hint: make sure it's not just a throw-away they don't want anymore. Ask how they would feel if someone gave it to them.) and have them pick out a few new toys to bring to a children's shelter. Get them involved in canned food drives. Have them save up some change from their allowance or pay them to do little things around the house and have them drop it into the Salvation Army buckets in front of stores or into the offering plate at church. Help your kids make handmade cards and letters to deliver to a local nursing home or the elderly members of your church. Fill a shoe box for Operation Christmas Child. Once you start thinking of ideas, you'll realize just how much there really is you can do. Get your kids' friends involved too so your family can serve side-by-side with another family you have grown close to.

Jesus is the Reason for the Season Advent. We say that Jesus is the reason for the season, but are we really teaching it? Since Christmas is focused on Christ's birth it is an excellent time to teach your kids about things you maybe wouldn't know how to bring up during the year. Make a scripture chain with verses for your children to memorize. Do links with the story of Jesus's birth beginning when the angel told Mary she was pregnant. Put the Roman road on links. Or do a chain that studies the different names of God. There are tons of great ways to do this! This is a post I found a few years ago that has a great advent chain for learning the true meaning of the season through scripture. Or you can make advent ornaments as you study the names of God together like this mom did. And this is a great nativity story chain for your younger children (begins on Dec 11 rather than the first). There's not a lot of detail and it's very simplified so it's perfect for those first few years of teaching.

If you search you can find many, many, many other ideas! Way too many for me to post. Tomorrow is Dec 1! So get your Advent ready and begin a wonderful new tradition of playing, serving, and learning with your family. I, honestly, think the best advent is a combination of all 3 of these. I can't wait to begin this journey with my own family!

The Beauty of Darkness

2011-11-28T23:48:00.002-06:00

There's a reason evil lurks around in dark places. Pretending it's beautiful, masquerading as perfection, a promise of greener pastures. Wishful thinking, regret, what-ifs. Mocking, luring, destroying. We hold these secrets inside. Guarding them in the core of our being, protecting them as if our life depends on it. Reveling in the beauty, the seduction, the raw emotion. Oh, how beautiful these inner secrets seem. How precious to our sense of being. We become lured in and entangled, and we like it there. The way these secrets feel, the tingle up our spine, the promises they make. Oh, but these secrets, these beautiful, wonderful, glorious secrets that we curl ourselves up in, once exposed to the light are nothing but ugly, dirty, worthless lies. The way others feel about us that serve as our motivation. The secret pain in our hearts, the lust of the flesh, the burning anger. The wounds that we peel open, the desires that we seek, the flames that we fan. We keep them in the dark, because they are beautiful there. We hide them as far from the light as we can because we know, we fear, that once they are brought into the light they will be revealed for what they truly are. Brick walls built up around our hearts, chains enslaving us to another, a passionate fire destroying us from inside our own selves. Yes, it is beautiful, but only in darkness. Once exposed, we can try to pretend, but we know the truth. We can try to cover up, but it has been revealed. We can try to get the feelings back, but the excitement is lost. There is beauty is the dark, but only true beauty can survive when brought into the light. And the ugly is only uncovered once we recognize the darkness it's been hiding in. The truth that it hides behind. The true joy and pleasure that awaits us, rather than the un-fullfillment, the hunger that these secrets will bring. The ultimate lie that hides in the darkness so well, that there's really no beauty there at all.

These are a few of my favorite things...MUSIC

2011-11-28T00:00:00.001-06:00

O Holy Night

Mary, Did You Know?

I Wonder As I Wander

It's Here, It's Here, It's Finally Here!

2011-11-26T10:29:00.003-06:00

The countdown is on! Thanksgiving is over, so that means it is finally time to turn on the Christmas music, break out the decorations, and finish up all my holiday crafts! Although Christmas music at my house is kept to a minimum because I am such a bah-humbug about too many carols, don't ask me why because I have no idea. There is one thing that definitely gets me in the spirit...crafts!!! I mean, have you seem my "Amish at Heart" page? Come on, y'all, this is what I do! So, my project list is growing to enormous lengths, I have 5 days to finish the advent house I am building for the kids, and I am going to brave into making our Christmas ornaments this year (oh yes, I'm going to go there). And there will be no paper chains and posicle sticks (ok, there might actually be some paper chains). Confession time, I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I mean, hand painting for someone as OCD as I am has been a trial in and of itself, and it requires every ounce of strength to make myself love the not-so-perfect outcome of projects I pour hours into. Plus, I have expensive taste on the budget of a stay-at-home mom wife of a teacher, and I refuse to settle for less than what I want (why do you think we started building our own furniture anyway?) So here is my attempt to make Pottery Barn beautifulness and spend as close to nothing as possible. Pictures will be coming soon, but in the mean time check out this great free e-book Handmade Holiday Decor at The Handmade Home! There's something in there for everyone, and I'm sure it will help to get you in the crafting mood!

Look for this logo to download your free ebook!

The Not-So-Perfect Life

2011-11-26T00:58:00.002-06:00

God's sense of humor, or rather irony, seems to be a pretty on-going theme in the story of my life. His constant little "tests" to see if I'm going to practice what I preach. OK, so maybe that's not God, maybe that's just life doing what life does while God is preparing me for it, but doesn't it seem like every time you try so hard to master something, every little thing is going to start going wrong? I've been trying to "master" the art of Thanksgiving over the past 25 days, to truly be thankful for the hard things in my life. To pour the fruits of the Spirit into everything I do rather than living through my own strength. Well, the past 24 hours have been just one test after another (hopefully, I passed more than I failed, although I know there were times I could have done better...but, hey, I'm a work in progress!) It was one of those times when I could almost feel God's eyes on me, wondering "Is she going to have a pity party, or is she going to put into practice everything she preaches?"

I think the quote "Life's what happens when we're busy making plans" perfectly describes my Thanksgiving this year. While I had everything all planned out a certain way, while I had my ideas of how to make this Thanksgiving successful, life had other ideas. I've had an on-going migraine for 4 days now. We've had a difficult time juggling family schedules this year and, of course, no matter how hard you try someone's feelings get hurt. My house is a disaster zone and none of our projects have been finished. And, on the children front, my oldest got a stomach virus, while my daughter began having nightmares, and my baby is going through a growth spurt. All of this is a recipe for disaster for me. Not feeling well + already feeling like things are just not working out + a not-so-inviting and increasingly stressful environment + dealing with sick, cranky, non-sleeping children = perfect opportunity for me to completely lose it. Thankfully, I feel like God has been preparing me for this moment. From learning how to parent in the Spirit, to my gentleness and wife challenges, to learning the art of being truly thankful, everything God has been speaking to my heart is what helped me make it through this week with my sanity still intact. So, even when (or maybe I should say "especially when") things seem to be going perfectly in my life, I know that right around the corner are those not-so-perfect moments just waiting for the perfect time to ambush me and it's normally all at once. Luckily for us, as Christians, we are prepared, we can handle it, and we can make it through these times. And even though this Thanksgiving is probably the "worst" when I look at it from a situational standpoint, it has been the Thanksgiving of the most learning, the most growth, and the most opportunity for growing together as a family.

A Close to a Wonderful Thanksgiving

2011-11-24T23:32:00.002-06:00

At the close of the day, I am so thankful for such a Gracious Thanksgiving. For the ability to bring to God an offering of thanks for the hard things and for the hardest thing. Now I will continue on my Journey to 1,000 things because Thanksgiving is not just about the season. I will continue until I reach 1,000 and then I will continue on to one million. I will continue to live my life thankful in everything because He gave His everything for me.

"When I survey the wondrous cross
On which the Prince of glory died,
My richest gain I count but loss,
And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,
Save in the death of Christ my God!
All the vain things that charm me most,
I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,
Sorrow and love flow mingled down!
Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,
Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were an offering far too small;
Love so amazing, so divine,
Demands my soul, my life, my all."

Thankful for the Hardest Thing

2011-11-23T23:50:00.002-06:00

I will praise you in this storm, and I will lift my hands.
For you are who you are, no matter where I am.
Every tear I've cried, you hold in your hands, and though
my heart is torn I will praise you in this storm.

We all have our testimonies, the things in life God has used to glorify Him. Some are triumphs, some are trials. Some are amazing blessings, but some come with unfathomable heartbreak. Today, on Thanksgiving, I praise God for the hardest thing: Tragedy. For the life taken before it really had a chance to begin. For a little boy, who glorified God more in his death than most ever will in a lifetime. In these moments when we cry out "Why?" but already know the answer.

My friend lost her firstborn son, Scout Russell Secrist, 3 days before her due date. Delivering him still on December 26, 2008. A beautiful life that some would consider lost, but that we know was purposed for the Kingdom. Jesus holds this little boy, loving him perfectly, until his mommy and daddy can finally hold him again and see his beautiful smiling face. And because of this little boy many new souls will enter into the throne room of God. Scout, I am so thankful for you, for your testimony, for the hope you brought to so many. I am thankful that in time of such devestation God showed up, God healed lives, and God brought life even through death.

Praise God for restoration, for healing, for life continued.
Rusty and Katye with their beautiful family,
Scout's loving siblings, Deacon and Charli Kate.

Half way to 1,000 things...journeying to one million

2011-11-23T23:27:00.001-06:00

Thankful for the Hard Things

2011-11-23T19:07:00.001-06:00

This Thanksgiving I challenged myself to truly think about what I am thankful for. For 25 days, to journal as many things as I can hoping to reach 250 things on my journey to 1,000, until I reached the point where I was truly thankful in all things. Along the way, I realized how awkward I felt lifting everything up to God, but found such freedom in the worship that came with vocalizing, journaling, and bringing all of my circumstances to the Lord in thanksgiving. I reached a point where giving thanks in even the hard things became more natural, where I learned to give thanks for the most precious gift God had given me but I had never brought before Him. And today, on Thanksgiving Eve, in preparation for my 25th Day, I will thank God for the one of my hardest things: Autism.

The journey through diagnosis and healing has not been an easy one, but who am I to be thankful for only the easy things? Who am I to discount the power, the testimony, the beauty, that comes from the trials? Who am I to tell God that when he created my beautiful baby boy that He made a mistake? In fact, if there's one thing I learned through this journey it's the perfection in His plan, including autism. If ever I was given the choice to change my son into the world's version of "perfect" I would not think twice. I would not think twice because the answer would be, "no." Why would I want to change who my son is? Just because it is difficult? Just because he's not "normal"? Why would I change the perfection that is my autistic son, just because the world does not see him as perfect?

Autism is the reason I love my son. I do not love him in spite of his autism, I love him because of it. I love his Independence, his "engineer" mind, his quirks. Is it hard when he doesn't make eye contact, when he tries to hurt himself or others, when he didn't speak for the first 18 months of his life? Yes, but every parent deals with difficult behavior, does it mean they love their child any less? Why would his behavior effect my feelings for him? Why would his autism make me love him any less? In fact, the things I love about him the most, the things that make him unique, are all attributes of his diagnosis. I love how he took my double stroller apart and I couldn't put it back together (what 2 year old knows how to successfully use a screw driver?) I love how he has such a teacher's spirit, spurred on by his therapies. I love everything about this little boy and everything he has brought to my life.
So today, as I thank God for the hard things, I will thank God especially for my son, for autism, for God's perfection brought to us in imperfect packages.

Gracious Thanksgiving

2011-11-22T16:11:00.003-06:00

Sunday as we did communion I was amazingly caught up in the moment. I always associate Christ's death with Easter, but remember the joyous resurrection. I don't know if I have ever actually lingered very long on thoughts of Christ's death. I do remember watching the "Passion of the Christ" and while He was hanging on the cross begging Him not to do it, begging Him to show His power, to come off of the cross, to not let the bad guys "win". Obviously, His death was the only way there could be true victory, but as I ate the cracker and drank the juice I was caught up in what His death meant in terms of Thanksgiving. His death is the reason why I can be thankful, the reason there is hope. Because of His grace I can be grateful. So this Thanksgiving, I will add to my list of 1,000 a few things that I have never found myself thanking God for...

I am eternally thankful for Jesus's body being broken for me,

for His humiliation,

for the pain and torment He had to suffer,

for His blood that was spilled with no regret,

for His flesh torn with such hatred from His bones,

for the holes pierced into His body,

for the sheer pain God faced as His beloved son, the flesh of Himself, was killed,

for the heart that had sacrificed to become man,

for the heart that was forced to stop beating all because of me,

for the victory that was won that day,

for the hope His death brings,

for the purpose rather than worthlessness He has given me,

for the joyous resurrection,

for the love He has for me even though it is I who forced Him onto the cross, that it was I who forced Him to die,

for His abundant grace,

for His gracious provision so that I can be gracious to others,

for the gratitude He has brought to my life,

for sacrificial love,

for everyday reminders,

for the God of the Universe to think more of me than He does Himself.

Faith in Action

2011-11-21T05:34:00.002-06:00

What are we as Christians doing to drown out the noise of the world? To protect others from the lies, the hatred, and the attacks that come from unbelievers (or as this video shows, those who claim to believe, but have no concept of God)? We should be rallying around each other, creating a physical buffer, and supporting our fellow believers when they come under attack. I pray that I do not just stand on the sidelines, or heaven forbid contribute to the attacks on my fellow believers, but that my faith would be an active faith. James 2:20-24 "But are you willing to recognize, you foolish fellow, that faith without works is useless? Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered up Isaac his son on the altar? You see that faith was working with his works, and as a result of the works, faith was perfected; and the Scripture was fulfilled which says, 'AND ABRAHAM BELIEVED GOD, AND IT WAS RECKONED TO HIM AS RIGHTEOUSNESS,' and he was called the friend of God. You see that a man is justified by works and not by faith alone." Do your actions reflect your faith? Do they set you apart? Are your actions helping to spread the message of Christ, or are your actions, like so many others, bringing harm to the Kingdom?

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Biblical Blogging

2011-11-20T05:24:00.002-06:00

On my blog hopping ventures, I recently ran across the blog of a man who stated, "The problem with Christian bloggers is that they all begin to think they are 'Billy Grahams'." And when several began to agree that it is a problem that many Christians are beginning to view themselves in this light, I say it is a problem that all Christians don't see themselves this way. What is it about Billy Graham that makes him more "capable" than any other Christian? As Bible believers we should all have the same message, and we all have the same call on our lives to share this message. The only thing that set Billy Graham apart is the sheer numbers that God drew into his path. Well, guess what, as a blogger God has the ability to draw millions into your path every day. You are literally preaching to the entire world! You are accountable to God for every word you preach, or don't preach. You are responsible for sharing the message of God, for sharing it rightly, and for sharing it with as many as God brings into your path. Your calling is the same as that of Billy Graham, and don't underestimate that.

...So pastors must preach the Word, even though it is currently out of fashion to do so (2 Tim. 4:2). That is the only way their ministry can ever truly be fruitful. Moreover, it assures that they will be fruitful in ministry, because God’s Word never returns to Him void; it always accomplishes that for which He sends it and prospers in what He sends it to do (Isa. 55:11)... If you share the message with the masses read this article and remember as you write that it is not about you and all about Him.
Biblically-Anemic Preaching: The Devastating Consequences of a Watered-Down Message

The Journey Continues...

2011-11-19T07:58:00.003-06:00

Have you been following along with my 25 Days of Thanksgiving? Where have you gotten on your journey to 1,000? Did you notice, like I did, the amazing (yet strangely difficult) act of worshipping God through giving thanks? I hope you have reached a point where giving thanks has become a natural part of your day, that it no longer takes much thought to remember what God has blessed you with daily, that you are able to give thanks in the good and the bad.

My confession is that I have not been journaling my list daily. It is so important for me to make this a physical act rather than a mental one so I have to focus on it while doing nothing else. Perhaps it's the fact that I got farther than expected so now I have the "freedom" to skip a day here and there and still reach my goal. I feel I need to hold myself accountable to a daily list, to make it about the time spent rather than the numbers reached! Maybe I should set a goal of one million things, so I don't have the excuse to slack on my list!

My encouragement about this journey is that I'm finding it easier than expected to thank God for everything. The recognition that God is in control of every detail, knowing that amazing things come out of hard situations, and feeling grateful for the trials has been an amazing revelation. In fact, this makes me linger on 1 Thessalonians 5:18 "In everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." How have I missed the message that it is God's WILL, His calling, for me to be thankful for every thing my life is made of? God has revealed to me that it is His will for me, not because He wants me to tell Him how great He is, but because He wants me to recognize His greatness. He wants me to have the freedom that comes when we are thankful for the bad things rather than overwhelmed and enslaved by them. When we recognize that God has a plan, that we just need to wait out the storm, we can thank Him for whatever it is He is doing. The focus is once again placed on God rather than ourselves. As I linger on my list, on #350 on day 20 of my journey to 1,000 things, seeing the thread of thankfulness God is weaving into my spirit, feeling the freedom of complete trust in Him, I can't wait to see what the day has to bring. I can't wait to add to my list. To make it to 1,000 and beyond.

***When I found this blog post this morning I was so excited! Knowing this was my scheduled post for tomorrow I had to edit it so I could link the post in here. What a great idea of worshipping with song...It especially spoke truth to me since I recently began singing through my gentleness challenge. Take a moment to read this post when you have a chance Living To Please God: Responding to Trials with Worship.***

Completion of the Bedroom Makeover: The R&R is back!

2011-11-18T20:57:00.003-06:00

When I saw this challenge I said, "Bring It!" Well, let me tell you, it has already been "Brought-en!" I hope you all saw my original post about bringing back the RandR and were following along with me at AMothersHeritage but if not here's your chance to catch up and do your own Master remodel!

Do you remember my awful BEFORE picture? Well here it is again...

YIKES!!!

I am so proud (and my hubby is so thankful) to be able to show such an amazing after...

TADA!

I re-arranged the furniture, made some new art work, and found some extra accessories laying around to complete this for a grand total of $0 and a lot of hard work! I can't wait to spend some time relaxing in our room for the first time since we moved into our home a year ago!

Here are Jenny's instructions for accomplishing your master make-over! I hope you enjoy as much as I did! Follow along with her as you Declutter, Deep Clean, Color Coordinate, Accessorize, and Enjoy and Maintain your haven (just 5 simple steps)!

Mommy Teaching for the Non-Teacher Mommy

2011-11-18T12:15:00.001-06:00

I'm so excited to be guest posting today at The Mommy Teacher!

There are some mommies lucky enough to have the experience of teaching, some blessed with the gift of teaching, then there’s some who just throw a bunch of ideas at their kids and hope that just one will stick. None are wrong, although some may be easier and work better than others, but when it comes to being a mommy teacher the only rule is to keep kids engaged!
continue reading here!

God's Masterpiece is Mother

2011-11-18T07:43:00.001-06:00

God took the fragrance of a flower,
The majesty of a tree,
The gentleness of morning dew,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The beauty of the twilight hour,
The soul of a starry night,
The laughter of a rippling brook,
The grace of a bird in flight.
Then God fashioned from these things
A creation like no other,
And when his masterpiece was through
He called it simply – Mother.

Herbert Farnham